Posts categorized "Sex"

What is the cause of sexual perversion and sex crimes?

My answer is simple: sexual repression. Apparently, some people do not have much a sex drive. Most people do. Some do not have crazy fantasies and are not willing to experience something sexually exciting just because it feels good and is fun. Most people do and would.

But the whole world tells us that our sexual needs are bad and wrong. We are instantly punished at the mention of our sexual truths. We are forcefully driven into hiding and secrecy, where the fantasies become ever crazier and the needs ever stronger.

The healthy way to respond to a real sexual need is to enjoy it. You can be open about it with the right people. See if you can find someone who shares that fantasy or need. You can get to know each other. You can establish trust and respect. If you are both turned on, you can easily consent to doing whatever you want to and enjoy it fully.

This healthy attitude about sex never involves manipulation and certainly not prostitution or any other form of exploitation or abuse. You can have fun and try anything. You can find out what something is (or is not) and move on with life without all the obsession. You can get unstuck and free yourself from the frustrations of an unfulfilling sex life. In the process, you might even find true love. At the very least, you will form loving friendships.

Unfortunately, most people respond to sexual repression in an unhealthy way. They hide their deepest fantasies from others. The carnal drive toward human intimacy then becomes pornographic and detached from human relationships. People are objectified only as bodies to be conquered and exploited—not as sacred human beings who deserve love and respect.  

The sexually sick then manipulate people for sex. They may take advantage of their authority over people. They may cross boundaries and commit crimes. They may cheat on spouses and break families. They may use drugs to numb the pain. This is the spiral into madness, which can only end in the tragedy of crisis.

To want wild sex is normal, and there is a healthy response. If you are struggling with sexual repression, obsessed by unfulfilled fantasies, I know it can feel terribly frustrating. This very real part of you seems to make no sense from a rational perspective. You may even hate yourself for it.

But if your sexual needs are real for you, then you can embrace them. If a partner claims to love you, then this person can love everything about you—even this. You can give a partner this same freedom. Whatever turns you on is possible—but it needs to be done in truth and with love.

You cannot use people, but you can enjoy everything with them. Sin is where love is not. You can fulfill your sexual needs, but only in honesty and in truth. No cheating.     
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Posted by Abscondo

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Abscondo tells his true story of marriage, sex, monogamy, polyamory, threesomes & cheating.

I talk a lot about being open and honest, but before this video I was still holding back. Today I share the true story of my marriage, my sex life, my affairs, divorce, threesomes, and what I have learned along the way.

There is a way to overcome jealousy, live your fantasies, and avoid problems in romantic relationships. You can create a lasting, life-long, blissful union without arguments, resentment, or sacrifice.

This is part one. 

Part two is a short conclusion to the talk. You can find out how to put some of these ideas into practice by visiting this blog every day and enjoy the free daily teachings, free eBooks, a podcast and so much more.

Posted by Abscondo

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The ego has a very interesting relationship with the body

The ego's purpose for the body is only to serve itself. Some egos demand incomprehensible dedication to transform the body into a maximally attractive temple to itself.

The purpose behind the endless hours of painful workouts and dieting is not so much to attract lovers or enjoy sex--for that would demand openness and intimacy, which the ego cannot do. The purpose; rather, is only to prove superiority by being the most physically attractive.

The ego loves attention and lustful stares, only because each is seen as a testament to its grandiosity and a boost to its ugly need for pride.

Sometimes, particularly for men, the lustful or jealous stares don't come even if you are physically attractive. Now, to get that boost of pride, seduction is required. Here come the one night stands. Bodies must be conquered, false promises made, cruel games played, the more the better; not exactly for the joy of sex (though sex always feels good), rather, to win and prove superiority.

Most egos don't win at this game. There can only be one fittest body in any room. It then tries to adorn the body with more attractive clothes, it may buy expensive cars, possessions, and use countless other strategies to appear more attractive. But, at some point, we all lose at this game.

Some people give up early in life, some in marriage when the game is no longer allowed, others later on in old age. Now the defeated, victim ego uses the body to numb its pain. Now comes the food binges, the addictions, the total destruction and neglect of a body that has failed to serve its delusional purposes.

The ego is no friend to the body; rather, an exploiter that looks upon it and uses it lovelessly and in disgust. This is the root of sickness and disease.

An awakened person, one who has made the decision to escape the ego, truly loves the body, accepts it as it is, nurtures it, enjoys it, and offers the same loving attention and care to the bodies of loved ones. This person sees no competition, only beauty where it lies. This person is never ill, and looks very good even into old age. This is self-love.

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Posted by Abscondo

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Life changes when you stop agreeing to everything that is harming you

They told you it is good and right to pay attention to the news, and you agreed, and so you do. With any luck, at some point in life, you realize that nothing they report is actually true...and is only designed to cause fear and suffering in you. But you agreed to it, so you continue to watch it anyway.

They told you that you have to get a job and work at least 40 hours per week. You agreed, and so that's what you do. With any luck, at some point, you realize that the money isn't enough, jobs are temporary, and they cause you exhaustion and misery. But you agreed to it, so you set the alarm each day and do it anyway.

They told you that you have to commit to lifelong monogamy as soon as you love a person. That sounded right, so you agreed, and so that's what you do and force your partner to do. At some point, you realize that this is a great source of suffering and you fail at it. But you agreed to it, so you suppress your feelings, maybe even lie, deceive or cheat until the relationship finally falls apart.

They told you that you have to fight, attack others, punish children, distrust strangers, sacrifice, go into debt, obey, comply...and you do because you agreed to it.

Life changes when you stop agreeing to everything that is harming you. Do not fight to change the demands of those who would control or exploit you; rather, simply disagree and live in truth. You are the authority of you, and this is perfectly natural and right.

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Posted by Abscondo

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Can sexual freedom be loving, non-destructive and guiltless?

Deep down, most people would enjoy a life in which it is possible to freely explore sexual adventures involving many partners. What holds us back from following our intense, natural cravings is that we want to avoid making someone jealous. As thrilling and enjoyable as perfect sex can be, we clearly understand that no sex is worth causing terrible pain, ruining a relationship, or harming anyone’s life in any way. So, the simple solution that most people choose is to suppress our needs around sex.

The main reason we suppress our sexual needs is because of the sexual jealousy of others; mainly, our primary partners. The problem is that forced-monogamous relationships are built upon a foundation that is both fragile and less than honest. For most people, the promise of life-long monogamy brings with it great and ongoing struggles and frustrations. By suppressing sex, we close our hearts and minds to new people, we cut ourselves off from other beautiful human beings, and many of us slowly sink into depression and low energy.

So we drink more, we eat junk food, we smoke, we watch trash entertainment, we engage in safe small-talk, and we form all sorts of bad habits to distract us from the simple problem that we are not free and we are not honest. Worse yet, none of this works.

Despite our best intentions, most people with strong sexual needs end up breaking relationships and cheating. They just can’t take it anymore and nature wins. The more you make something off-limits, the more you want it. In the beginning of a relationship, it is easy to promise monogamy. You have that new relationship energy (NRE), you are in love, you communicate freely, you respect one another—everything feels right and the need for sexual variety is minimal.

But by making the promise of lifelong monogamy to anyone, you cut off the possibility of perfect honesty if your heart ever changes, and you remove unconditional acceptance and freedom from the relationship. The relationship then becomes not about unconditional love, acceptance, openness, and trust; rather, it slowly becomes a job where you must live up to expectations and conditions.

The normal marriage is all about the promise of monogamy. But inevitably, one or both partners will have strong feelings and needs that violate the promise. When this happens, lies follow, maybe eventually cheating, and everything breaks. It is a story we know all too well, and yet we continue to do relationships as though it isn’t going to happen to us.

There is a better way to do relationships, and it works perfectly. From the very beginning, you can lovingly explain to your partner that you will never require them to be sexually or emotionally monogamous—and of course that you would require the same in return if you are going to be together. You know it is going to be very difficult to overcome sexual jealousy, but it is possible, and the alternative to dealing with jealousy is worse, and that for the purpose of your sacred love and respect toward one another, you can do this.

This doesn’t mean that you are going to be desperately running around with other people all the time. In fact, you may never even have the need or the opportunity. But, if the relationship is going to be based on true love rather than control and manipulation, you have to both maintain the right to be sexually free if there is ever a need.

How you go about practicing non-monogamy is for you both to explore and to decide. It will be a personal choice that always honors the needs and feelings of your partner. You need to learn the language of love, talk about your relationship, how you feel, why your partner is the right person for you to spend a lifetime with, how no other person is a better fit and how relationships with other people only remind you of this—and all of this needs to be true or you should never live together or have children in the first place.

I can assure you, through personal experience, that the result of such a relationship is the experience of ongoing bliss and love—which grows even stronger as the years go by. Imagine the closeness you would feel with someone with whom you can express yourself fully, at the deepest levels. Imagine how much you would appreciate enjoying your sexual freedom—with consenting adults who you are honest with—without risk or shame. If either of you find yourself going down that scary path of jealous thoughts, you can talk about it, accept that it is happening, and it will dissolve in the light of your perfect love.

If you are already in a monogamous relationship and your partner will not consider opening it up, I sincerely don’t know what to tell you. I do believe we should live in perfect honesty, and this is what I have done in my life; but your choice is entirely yours. If you are currently single or starting a new relationship, then this is the way to build a foundation of perfect stability and lasting love and joy. Try it. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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Posted by Abscondo

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