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On perfect love, surviving the war on humanity and all that is good, the joy of camping, overcoming financial burdens and what comes next...

Everything I had built up crumbles into dust, leaving only the truth of me and my life standing. My crash and my awakening.

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My first child is born, Abscondo becomes a band, a new home, car, and business, and all the while...

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They say some topics are sacred. Which means we don't talk about it. I talk about it here. Deep breath.

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The vast majority of religious people place their faith in spiritual texts and in rituals as though it is some strange magic. They believe that the physically impossible events described literally took place. That equally impossible worldly events are yet to come. Then, they claim, unless you believe in their version of magic, you are lost. These are the illusions of ego.

I believe that the Bible and other sacred texts were originally intended as a collection of stories meant to teach us something. The underlying message is to align with unconditional love. To be honest. To become fearless and recognize the truth about yourself as eternal consciousness or spirit. The words point to truth, but do not contain truth.

Why believe in magic when all of life is the miracle? Is the energy and thought system of love not one with life, itself? We are fully complete, as consciousness, existing eternally in this one present moment (though constantly shifting in form). If we look for anything other than or more than this miracle, we are chasing and believing in false, impermanent illusions.

I will wait for no events in the world for salvation. It is already so. I fear no medical tyranny because I do not comply. Their magic has no power over the eternal me. I am bored discussing the fictional insanity, the endless debate about illness (an illusion of ego), the legitimacy of the government or any centralized authority (there is none). I will not debate the endless conspiracy theories (the shape of the world is of no meaningful significance either way).

Truth is reality. Reality is eternal and already so (or it is not reality at all).

True spirituality is the total embrace of and alignment with perfect love, a wanting of only truth and honesty everywhere, and a loss of all fear through the knowledge that you, as consciousness, are eternal and beyond threat.

Herein lies the peace of God. Perfect, ongoing joy. Everything you most deeply want. Go within. You are complete now. Withdraw your faith from magic and embrace only what is real.

The urge to have sex is the divine call for life to push forward, to continue to create. In its purest form, sex is perfect union enjoyed with someone who you want to share the most fun, beauty, and pleasure. Two become one in blissful surrender, if only for a time. Even beyond the fleeting moments, great sex can be a seed from which the most beautiful relationships and eternal friendships blossom.

Obviously, sex need not be only for the purpose of procreation, but at least the theoretical possibility of a sexual act leading to new life must be accepted on some level. In this way, it is a surrendering to fate, to God’s will—a decision to open yourself to a person and accept whatever may come.

Each of us must confront our sexuality and the sexuality of others in our lives, there is no other way. The question is, what makes sex right or wrong, a sin or a virtue, beneficial or harmful? A Course in Miracles provides a clear answer in the statement “Sin is where love is not.” In other words, if a sexual relationship is purely loving, there is nothing inherently wrong with sex.

What is meant by “loving sex”? Being loving means being open, honest, accepting, giving, forgiving, kind, and caring. Treat people well. Be honest and want only the truth. Do not use sex to manipulate, to test, to shame or to hold guilty.

The ego, on the other hand, attempts to distort the truth about sex and uses it as its tool, a weapon of manipulation. A person in the grip of ego collects lovers to boost pride and threatens lovers who have needs outside of the relationship (which would hurt the ego’s pride). Such a person seduces with lies and false promises, and cheats and lies about sex all the time.

The ego’s idea of sex—complete with its restrictive rules, judgments, and punishments—is perverted and destructive. The ego values sex above love. It uses people, breaks hearts, ends relationships, and destroys families—only in an absurd attempt to protect its pride, to control, to get, to possess. Egoic sex is thrilling while it lasts, and then becomes very ugly and disgusting.  

Egoless sex is completely different. You can have all kinds of fun, live your wildest fantasies, and you can allow others to have fun and do the same—only without the drama, pain, and destruction. Only through unconditional love can we experience sexual healing and fulfillment, but none of this is understandable as long as you decide for ego over love.

Sex is divine. Most people feel an irresistible urge for perfect sex. When we get sex right, nothing in life is more enjoyable. But such great power must be approached with respect and handled with wisdom. Otherwise, sex has the power to destroy.

When the following 3 conditions are met in your sexual relationships, then nobody gets hurt, no damage is done, and the relationship is as healthy and beneficial as it is enjoyable. Sex is good, right, and healthy when:

There is open and honest communication:

Too often, seduction involves deception. Maybe there is an implicit promise of forever—or at least of an ongoing monogamous relationship—when that is not the real intention of one or both parties. Others settle for a less than perfect sex life because they are afraid to talk about their likes, dislikes, or expectations in an attempt to please a partner.

The simple rule here is: whatever is on your mind, whatever you want, whatever you feel, you both need to share it. Open and honest communication requires a relationship based upon patience and acceptance—involving no judgement or attack. If you miss the mark of perfect honesty or perfect acceptance of the other person’s honesty, you can apologize, talk about the error, and try again.

It is important to mention that the openness and honestly does not only extent to the two people in the sexual relationship. Honesty also must extend to anyone else in your lives who may be legitimately impacted. Non-monogamy can work, but only if there is perfect honesty and openness in all your intimate relationships.  

There is compatibility:

If there is no physical attraction both ways—no genuine excitement or mild obsession when you think about or look at a person—there is no point to forming a sexual relationship at all. Furthermore, your likes and preferences should be compatible in bed and even with respect to your life situation. If there is no fit, accept the situation, move on, and allow the relationship to be whatever it is (or is not).

The relationship is loving:

Your job is not to judge whether the other person is loving; rather, for you to be loving in everything you feel, say, and do. We are talking about your relationship with a person who is willing to share everything with you, to bare themselves completely, to experience the ultimate vulnerability that can be shared between two people. Whether or not you both intend to stay together forever, such a relationship must be approached with the thought system and value system of love.

Perhaps no word is more misunderstood in this world than “love”. Perfect love is not something you get from another person. It is found within as you learn to love yourself. As you begin to discover love’s forgiveness, acceptance, patience, peace, and bliss, you are naturally more capable of extending it to others. As you do, you find that your relationships are wonderful, and nobody gets hurt.

Perfect love unlocks the other two elements. Without love, perfect honesty is impossible because it is often nasty. No one wants your judgements, manipulations, or attacks. Without love, there can also be no compatibility because you are not offering anything desirable.

When we stray from these three perfect conditions, the sex isn’t as good and there are negative consequences that are more severe than any pleasure we get from the sex. But if you can truly put these principles into practice, and even gently show your partners how to do the same, you can enjoy an ongoing sex life that is better than your wildest fantasies.

Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

Yesterday, a friend told me that she is afraid of getting bored in a relationship—ending up being just two strangers living next to each other without emotions. Worse yet, she strongly dislikes dishonesty. She also says that losing trust is what scares her the most and left me with a few questions:


How can you preserve trust?

As I have said and written about repeatedly, you can only trust your partner if you have first offered unconditional love. The mind finds this statement ironic and confusing.  How can I offer unconditional love / acceptance in a situation where, for example, I have been deceived?

Turn this around. What is the cause of deceit? Do we not lie, deceive, or cheat to avoid rules, expectations, and the negative consequence of speaking or living our truth? Would anyone have a reason to deceive if unconditional acceptance and the possibility for total openness was first made real?

It might take some time to create such a relationship—time to know with any degree of certainty that you will not be punished for your truth, some practice learning to tell and live your truth lovingly and sensitively, and you may need to work through any emotions that do exist. But this is what a relationship is and it is fun—particularly if you start from the very beginning, before there is so much codependence and attachment. If there is true love, you can always find a way to love the person truly and to accept exactly who he or she honestly is.

Offer your partner the possibility of unconditional love right from the start and always. Make no rules and set no expectations about anything. When something is said, done, or wanted that causes an emotional challenge, talk openly about it. Give your partner a chance to show he or she loves you, to explain things fully, to help you understand and feel understood. Love will melt away any negative emotions. In the end, you will grow closer. One day, the trust will be so great that you no longer need to go through this process.


Is it possible to regain trust once it has broken?

If there is love, then yes. You can use this same approach. Reveal all your feelings about the situation, reveal how much it hurts, and repeat that there is never a reason to deceive. You want to know what’s going on and will not punish. You want to accept everything. You just want to know the truth. You want the opportunity to love the person for who he or she truly is.

Unconditional love does not mean that you are stuck with an abuser. That would be a condition. It is possible to love the truth about someone, to love their heart and soul, but also come to the recognition that you are not loved in return or that living together isn’t healthy. Unconditional love means that you do not attach your love to a set of rules or conditions and then withdraw love and affection when they are not met. That isn’t love; rather, an arrangement.

The conditional relationship also leads to my friend’s first concern: feeling isolated and bored. This happens when you are forced to hide who you are, or when you force your partner to do the same.

Creating a relationship based on love requires that you drop your pride and humble yourself. Your partner’s needs, habits, and perspectives are not an attack on you. It is about him or here. At the same time, humbling yourself does not mean that you ignore your needs.

By offering unconditional love, which can only happen after you learn self-love, you must also offer yourself the possibility of perfect honesty, openness, and acceptance. If your partner is not interested in unconditional love, acceptance, and openness, then you can be honest anyway and let the relationship run its natural course. Either you are loved for who you are, or you are not loved. Have patience, learn this dance together, and you will create the most beautiful, eternal relationship.

No matter what is going on in the world, the most popular topic on this blog is sex. While I have written proportionately little about sex, the topic of sex is what people are searching for. When people contact me, it is usually with questions about their romantic relationship and, more specifically, about jealousy and sex.

My position on jealousy, cheating, monogamy and sex is always the same, without exception, and it is completely clear. It is a position that is in full alignment with all the spiritual lessons being taught here—including lessons of acceptance, openness, wanting only truth, and enjoying life.

There are no exceptions to unconditional love. As A Course in Miracles states, “There are no exceptions to the lesson, because the lack of exceptions is the lesson.” Can a love relationship be perfect, complete, and unconditional if there are conditions placed upon it? No.

People ask, “what about in the case of cheating?” To that, I answer: if there has been cheating, then there must have been an arrangement where the total truth, full openness, and acceptance of each other has been made impossible. This undoing of love is typically done through rules. Rules are typically backed by threats.

In a normal relationship based upon rules and expectations, the feeling of closeness is impossible because a part of you is rejected. Now the feeling of love is eroded, resentment ensues, a strong need for unconditional love remains. So the desire to cheat becomes very real. Even when there is no cheating, to impose a boundary on a partner means that you can no longer be sure what your partner is thinking, wanting, feeling, or doing. This hurts.

A holy relationship is between two spiritually awakened individuals united by unconditional love. Here there are no rules. In love, all feelings can be accepted and shared openly. All challenges can be solved. All needs can be met. No demands are ever placed upon the other. Nothing needs to be hidden, and you can both be free.

“What about sex with other people?” If your partner has a real need, and you claim to love this person, you must love the whole person. This must go both ways. What you may find is that, in a holy relationship, the burning need for someone new is greatly diminished. No other person can provide what you already have. If there is still some need remaining, some strong curiosity or passion for something, then it can be approached in the spirit of fun—because you both know that your love is eternal and no other person is going to threaten your perfect relationship.

This is not how the world does relationships. This is why the vast majority of relationships in the world are miserable, why people lie and cheat, and why parents separate. The approach I am describing is not a matter of opinion. I am describing the unchangeable reality of romantic relationships and marriages. You can ignore it, but the result will be suffering and crisis. The purpose of all the pain we go through in relationships is to teach us the lesson about this unchangeable truth.

My answer is simple: sexual repression. Apparently, some people do not have much a sex drive. Most people do. Some do not have crazy fantasies and are not willing to experience something sexually exciting just because it feels good and is fun. Most people do and would.

But the whole world tells us that our sexual needs are bad and wrong. We are instantly punished at the mention of our sexual truths. We are forcefully driven into hiding and secrecy, where the fantasies become ever crazier and the needs ever stronger.

The healthy way to respond to a real sexual need is to enjoy it. You can be open about it with the right people. See if you can find someone who shares that fantasy or need. You can get to know each other. You can establish trust and respect. If you are both turned on, you can easily consent to doing whatever you want to and enjoy it fully.

This healthy attitude about sex never involves manipulation and certainly not prostitution or any other form of exploitation or abuse. You can have fun and try anything. You can find out what something is (or is not) and move on with life without all the obsession. You can get unstuck and free yourself from the frustrations of an unfulfilling sex life. In the process, you might even find true love. At the very least, you will form loving friendships.

Unfortunately, most people respond to sexual repression in an unhealthy way. They hide their deepest fantasies from others. The carnal drive toward human intimacy then becomes pornographic and detached from human relationships. People are objectified only as bodies to be conquered and exploited—not as sacred human beings who deserve love and respect.  

The sexually sick then manipulate people for sex. They may take advantage of their authority over people. They may cross boundaries and commit crimes. They may cheat on spouses and break families. They may use drugs to numb the pain. This is the spiral into madness, which can only end in the tragedy of crisis.

To want wild sex is normal, and there is a healthy response. If you are struggling with sexual repression, obsessed by unfulfilled fantasies, I know it can feel terribly frustrating. This very real part of you seems to make no sense from a rational perspective. You may even hate yourself for it.

But if your sexual needs are real for you, then you can embrace them. If a partner claims to love you, then this person can love everything about you—even this. You can give a partner this same freedom. Whatever turns you on is possible—but it needs to be done in truth and with love.

You cannot use people, but you can enjoy everything with them. Sin is where love is not. You can fulfill your sexual needs, but only in honesty and in truth. No cheating.