Posts categorized "Relationships"

Only by becoming vulnerable can you discover your true invulnerability. (Eckhart Tolle)

The ego believes that becoming vulnerable makes you weak. There is this fear that other people will take advantage of you or will fail to take you seriously. To become somebody special or important, the ego would have you believe, you need to be assertive. You must never let your guard down. Trust no one. Attack before you are attacked. But here there is no strength, only a slippery slope of weakness, depression and hopeless isolation.

We avoid becoming vulnerable because we feel that, if people saw us for who we truly are, they wouldn’t see much to like. Our attitudes toward intimacy or vulnerability is, therefore, only a reflection of whether we love ourselves. When we lack self-love, we avoid vulnerability and authenticity because we feel unworthy. While we may believe we are seeking approval to foster better relationships, it is impossible for any human connection to become a relationship at all if we are unwilling to become vulnerable and open.

Strength starts with vulnerability. When we are deeply honest, true communication begins. This is how strong, trusting unions are made and harmonious relationships are built. Through vulnerability, love is felt and we are lifted to that joyful, blissful place we seek.

If anyone in your life abandons you because you show who you are, then you can be grateful because the people who stay will fit perfectly. Now your relationships are grounded in truth, and truth is strength.

Becoming vulnerable is non-resistance to what is. We are all vulnerable in this life. We face the same challenges, the same fragile balance of things, and the same impending death of the physical body. But, when we practice non-resistance to all that is, when we let ourselves be as we are, we find that everything falls into place effortlessly and there was never a reason to fear. This is true invulnerability, which requires faith that is beyond the ego.


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Slovakia’s cultural death

I spent the last few days camping and biking in the hills of rural Slovakia. For whatever reason, I got to thinking about the past and all the things I have enjoyed in the country that I now call home.

Following many dark decades of oppressive Communism, theirs was still a vibrant culture. Much of the Slovak culture is rooted in the ancient past, but also I suppose that, through a strong sense of culture and togetherness, they survived the evils of Communism and made life worth living. Families and friends knew how to come together, work together, celebrate together, drink together, and even sing and dance together. The discos were filled with so much enthusiasm for life. People lived fully and did things together.

As the 1990’s and 2000’s wore on—and the country became subjected to commercialism and tasteless, trash entertainment—everything gradually changed. Increasingly, people would avoid meeting or doing anything together. Far easier to stay home, take care of the house, go to the mall, and post dishonest projections of your life on social media. No more weekends at the cottage with family. No more unannounced visits. Nobody cared much about music or cultural events.

The quest for material comfort and success has led directly to more financial stress, loneliness, and isolation. During these past many years, life here became a competition to appear cooler, better, or more successful than others. A so-called “hipster” culture even emerged—which has nothing to do with the real, open-minded, fun hipster culture that I experienced in Seattle in the early 2000’s. No, this hipster culture is built upon the terrible music and art thrust upon us by mainstream culture, involves no free-thinking, no expression of emotion, and thoughtlessly rejects all of history and culture as cliché. Boring.

At the same time, the population has become so overwhelmingly elderly and dying. Right now, it all feels like a massive letting go of the past. Coronavirus was the death blow to anything cultural that remained. Sure, a few of the newer restaurants are thriving, but all the old establishments are essentially dead. Villages are now only private homes and there is nothing to do publicly other than go to church (with masks of course…so never mind).

I could be wrong, but I believe Slovakia is a microcosm, and that what I have observed here is happening around the world. I wonder what will come next. If we are to thrive again as individuals, families, and as a culture, I know that we will have to start by becoming rooted in what is real. This will require a letting go of ego—so that we value connectedness, having fun with people, appreciating beauty from our own perspectives, becoming vulnerable enough to lead others toward having a good time. We will need to stop competing, stop arguing, and stop judging.

We must rise beyond the limitations of our media / government / school conditioning and brainwashing. The way forward toward a life worth living is with an open mind and open heart. May we remember, celebrate, and keep alive everything vibrant and beautiful from our past as we create a future where everything real and beautiful is valued.

I am grateful for the love and closeness I have with my family, but we are craving much broader and deeper relationships and cultural connectedness. Change must always start with ourselves, and we are committed to doing something about this dreadful situation.





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Sexual healing and gratification is yours through perfect love

The urge to have sex is the divine call for life to push forward, to continue to create. In its purest form, sex is perfect union enjoyed with someone who you want to share the most fun, beauty, and pleasure. Two become one in blissful surrender, if only for a time. Even beyond the fleeting moments, great sex can be a seed from which the most beautiful relationships and eternal friendships blossom.

Obviously, sex need not be only for the purpose of procreation, but at least the theoretical possibility of a sexual act leading to new life must be accepted on some level. In this way, it is a surrendering to fate, to God’s will—a decision to open yourself to a person and accept whatever may come.

Each of us must confront our sexuality and the sexuality of others in our lives, there is no other way. The question is, what makes sex right or wrong, a sin or a virtue, beneficial or harmful? A Course in Miracles provides a clear answer in the statement “Sin is where love is not.” In other words, if a sexual relationship is purely loving, there is nothing inherently wrong with sex.

What is meant by “loving sex”? Being loving means being open, honest, accepting, giving, forgiving, kind, and caring. Treat people well. Be honest and want only the truth. Do not use sex to manipulate, to test, to shame or to hold guilty.

The ego, on the other hand, attempts to distort the truth about sex and uses it as its tool, a weapon of manipulation. A person in the grip of ego collects lovers to boost pride and threatens lovers who have needs outside of the relationship (which would hurt the ego’s pride). Such a person seduces with lies and false promises, and cheats and lies about sex all the time.

The ego’s idea of sex—complete with its restrictive rules, judgments, and punishments—is perverted and destructive. The ego values sex above love. It uses people, breaks hearts, ends relationships, and destroys families—only in an absurd attempt to protect its pride, to control, to get, to possess. Egoic sex is thrilling while it lasts, and then becomes very ugly and disgusting.  

Egoless sex is completely different. You can have all kinds of fun, live your wildest fantasies, and you can allow others to have fun and do the same—only without the drama, pain, and destruction. Only through unconditional love can we experience sexual healing and fulfillment, but none of this is understandable as long as you decide for ego over love.


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Parenting is a role, not an identity

Moms and dads can sometimes become so involved in our parental roles that it becomes an identity.  Parenting demands so much of our attention that it can sometimes feel like it is who we are.

Yet our children grow and change so quickly. Then one day, the role is no longer required at all. If someone’s identity has become that of mom or dad—or as a family as a unit that is always together—this identity eventually, painfully vanishes.

The truth is, parenting is a temporary role, not an identity. There are so many things that our kids need from us and our role constantly changes as they grow. But there is one thing that never changes: the love we share.   

By choosing to value the eternal love relationship with our children above all else, we can disidentify from the temporary parental role identity. We can enjoy each season of our children’s lives as a scene from our unique movie. We can let go, knowing our children are not really ours; rather, ours only to help and to love.

The only true and lasting identity is love. Align with this identity by learning what unconditional love is and does—and then by putting it into practice faithfully. We can love ourselves and everyone in our lives perfectly and completely.

Roles are necessary and interesting but belong in the background. Stand firm on that which is real, true, and eternal—perfect love.

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You cannot not teach

Everything you do and say, each moment of each day, is a lesson you are teaching to others. You cannot hide from teaching others because even the act of hiding is a lesson. Realizing that you cannot not teach, the question what lesson do you believe in enough to teach? Is it the same one that you are teaching?

When you conform—saying and doing what you do not really believe in for some supposed good reason—you are bearing false witness and teaching a lie. To represent anything which makes you depressed or robs you of joy is to harm others by setting a misleading example which leads them down the same miserable path.

But when you stand up for, speak about, and openly live what you know to be good, right, and true, then you are the light of the world. You know what to do by recognizing how you feel. Fear makes you feel ill. Do not believe the false lessons of fear and do not harm others by making it real. Attack robs everyone of joy. Do not use it. Do not cut yourself off. Never hide your truth. Never judge and always forgive. Teach the path of lasting joy—not of low energy and depression.

To make guilty is to teach shame. To attack in any form is to teach violence. To hide away is to teach loneliness. To lie is to teach that fiction can be made real. To manipulate is to teach that something real can be gained by taking from or harming others. To swear is to teach that crudeness and violence are superior to kindness and gentleness. When you drink or drug yourself to sickness, neglect your body, or indulge in so much sugar that you become sick and obese, what are you teaching? With all your power, is this what you want your life to represent and teach?

You have such great power because you are always teaching. Consider what would happen if you used this power to teach unconditional love, perfect honesty, perfect health, and perfect joy. The choice is yours. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.  


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When identification with mental positions is out of the way, true communication begins. (Eckhart Tolle)

There is nothing wrong with mental positions. We spend our lives observing the world. Naturally, the mind draws conclusions and has preferences. The problems arise when we try to form an identity for ourselves based upon those mental positions.

When the mind forms a position, it tries to convince you that you are that position, and you are right. You may even begin to feel superior to others who do not agree. Now there can be no true communication. Rather than listening and connecting, you focus on differences and on defending your position. If anyone challenges your position, you feel personally attacked. This is the ego.

Normal conversations in this world are a messy attempt to project mental positions; attempting to persuade others to agree with or understand you. This almost never happens. Instead, there is only ongoing debate that ends in frustration, rudeness, or anger.

To be free from ego is to avoid defending mental positions. It is enough to state your position when asked and to listen to those of others without judgment. This is how you turn relationships into a spiritual practice. Aligned with unconditional love, you can calmly and unemotionally observe your thoughts. When the mental positions of others no longer feed negative emotions, you know you are free from ego. 

True communication is beyond questions of identity. You are love and love is not a mental position. You are connected to others on the level of the soul, spirit, consciousness—where we are all the same and where we are one. True communication flows only from this dimension. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


#eckharttolle #powerofnow #anewearch #consciousness #ego #awakening #spiritual #unconditionallove #love #joy #happiness #inspirational #healing #happy #inspire

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Let each other be

In any situation, there is a true path. What prevents people from honoring it is the urge to control.

When we push things in the direction of where we think it should go, we are distorting the situation by not allowing it to be as it is.

When we try to control perceptions, or to change a person, or force what we want without regard to the other person, we create discomfort, distress, and unease.

When respect for the equilibrium is lost, the relationship becomes inflexible and brittle. It becomes work. It loses its purpose, which is love.

How easily we forget that there is a true path that requires no effort, no sacrifice, no figuring anything out. It is the path of mutual and unconditional acceptance. Let each other be, and equilibrium is never lost. Neither is the love. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


#relationships #honesty #acceptance #forgiveness #openness #bliss #beauty #love #romance #relationshipskills #goodvibes #success

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The best things in life are natural and free


Those moments of happiness, fun, and beauty are always available and in limitless supply. What we value and appreciate most in life has nothing to do with the commercial, fictitious world. We depend upon man-made systems to function, and it also provides some shallow thrills and distractions, but we look to nature to truly live.


In the fictitious world, there is always something that needs doing. Just one more step, one more thing, one more day until I can finally enjoy myself. But enjoyment is not something that automatically happens after everything is done. It is not a break from life. It is life.


We can prioritize our time according to what matters—beauty, rest, feeling good, bonding with a loved one, experiencing nature or parks, sitting still to simply observe the world, exercise, sex, music, reading, practicing an art or craft, creating something, helping someone from a place of inspiration. We can choose to do these things first.


Make sure your enjoyment level is enough so that you experience life as an ongoing state of joy. This sounds impossible to a busy mind. Why? All these things are basically free, natural, and available each moment no matter where we live. Just stop. Allow yourself some time to do what feels good. Now you can get some work done, do the dishes, clean up the mess, buy the groceries, and pay the bills—but the doing flows from a continued state of enjoyment.

Those who claim to have no time for enjoyment are simply prioritizing everything that does not matter and sacrificing everything that does. It is a trap to deplete yourself now and expect joy to come later. There is time for everything because life is only an ongoing present moment. We live in eternity; not past, present, and future. Time is not the problem.

Some people in your life may not agree, but you are free. Those who argue otherwise are using you. But you were born with free will into a world where everything wonderful is natural and free. Unblock yourself. Free your mind. Free your life. Open your heart to beauty. Align with the real world—the free and natural one. Choose love. Joy is your natural state. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


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Coping with the death of a loved one from a distance

My Mom passed away on Saturday. She had struggled with severe obesity for most of her life, and by the age of 69 her body had become taxed to the point of gradual heart failure. It was a slow process, as she was bed-ridden for more than a month and finally ended up in the hospital during her final days.

The news came not as a shock, though it did seem to happen quickly. Due to the current global insanity, and because I live in Europe and she in Wisconsin, I have been unable to see my Mom in person for 2 years. The long-distance relationship was never easy, but is all I have known for my entire adult life.

Over those past 28 years, my relationship with my Mom consisted of weekly phone calls, occasional emails and texts, generous gifts being sent on holidays, and an annual trip to visit my parents. Our relationship was honest and close, though there were really no dependencies. I never really depended upon her advice and, similarly, she wasn’t interested in my guidance with respect to healing. After countless tear-filled attempts to help her, several years ago I had finally given up trying to change anything about her. I accepted her as she was.

Each time I would say goodbye, the thought crossed my mind that it might be for the last time. Therefore, I was emotionally prepared for her passing. I considered each new moment spent with her in this dimension a sort of unexpected blessing for which I am fortunate. My ex-wife of 22 years still loves her very much. She and my life partner Zuzana also became very close over two recent visits. My children love her as grandchildren do.

My understanding of spirituality is derived from many sources, but my practical understanding of death comes largely from a wonderful book I recently enjoyed called An End to Upside Down Thinking by Mark Gober. According to Mark’s extensive interviews and research, in the body’s death we transcend our physical limitations. We, as consciousness, are no longer limited by our senses.

At the moment of death, we experience a “life review”. In an instant, we see the complete truth about our life and about the lives of everyone we loved. This is a powerful vision of truth that transcends time and space and goes beyond our mere memories. Our entire reality is seen from the perspective of unconditional love.

In life, we as consciousness are restrained to a mind and body. While there are exceptions, most people cannot see events happening around the world or during another era (though very few can do). Furthermore, to varying degrees we become identified with our physical selves, our life stories, and our possessions. We become attached to specific people, situations, and become identified with our trials and tribulations as well as our hopes and dreams.

Due to her poor health, my Mom was not able to travel for the past 22 years. On Saturday, though, I know that she had visited me. She has seen everything meaningful about my entire life—not from a perspective of judgment, but of love. I told my 11-year-old daughter all of this when I broke the news to her. From this perspective of truth, our grieving process is natural and manageable.

What is real about my Mom—her love, her attention, the knowledge she gained through her unique experiences, the stories she told, her consciousness—it all remains with us eternally. It lives on in our hearts, and even her physical form lives on as me, my children, and in all the others who love her continue our doing in this world. She is here, closer to us than ever now that she has shed that damaged body, which caused her unimaginable suffering for so many years.

I got the news of her passing upon waking up at 6:00 am. I did not cry for several hours, though I finally did as I provided support to family. Now my brother and I will do our absolute best to support our Dad, to help him grieve, to learn to do certain things for himself, and ultimately to succeed at this new path he was destined for. Now he has the chance to become his own man for some time.

None of us feel obligated to do a normal funeral. She was a very private person; like me, perhaps too honest and open to have many friends. We have chosen cremation, and we will be guided only by our hearts as we celebrate her life and her continued existence.

I hope that these words might help anyone who is grieving the death of a loved one from a distance. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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What are the basic elements of a perfect sexual relationship?

Sex is divine. Most people feel an irresistible urge for perfect sex. When we get sex right, nothing in life is more enjoyable. But such great power must be approached with respect and handled with wisdom. Otherwise, sex has the power to destroy.

When the following 3 conditions are met in your sexual relationships, then nobody gets hurt, no damage is done, and the relationship is as healthy and beneficial as it is enjoyable. Sex is good, right, and healthy when:

There is open and honest communication:

Too often, seduction involves deception. Maybe there is an implicit promise of forever—or at least of an ongoing monogamous relationship—when that is not the real intention of one or both parties. Others settle for a less than perfect sex life because they are afraid to talk about their likes, dislikes, or expectations in an attempt to please a partner.

The simple rule here is: whatever is on your mind, whatever you want, whatever you feel, you both need to share it. Open and honest communication requires a relationship based upon patience and acceptance—involving no judgement or attack. If you miss the mark of perfect honesty or perfect acceptance of the other person’s honesty, you can apologize, talk about the error, and try again.

It is important to mention that the openness and honestly does not only extent to the two people in the sexual relationship. Honesty also must extend to anyone else in your lives who may be legitimately impacted. Non-monogamy can work, but only if there is perfect honesty and openness in all your intimate relationships.  

There is compatibility:

If there is no physical attraction both ways—no genuine excitement or mild obsession when you think about or look at a person—there is no point to forming a sexual relationship at all. Furthermore, your likes and preferences should be compatible in bed and even with respect to your life situation. If there is no fit, accept the situation, move on, and allow the relationship to be whatever it is (or is not).

The relationship is loving:

Your job is not to judge whether the other person is loving; rather, for you to be loving in everything you feel, say, and do. We are talking about your relationship with a person who is willing to share everything with you, to bare themselves completely, to experience the ultimate vulnerability that can be shared between two people. Whether or not you both intend to stay together forever, such a relationship must be approached with the thought system and value system of love.

Perhaps no word is more misunderstood in this world than “love”. Perfect love is not something you get from another person. It is found within as you learn to love yourself. As you begin to discover love’s forgiveness, acceptance, patience, peace, and bliss, you are naturally more capable of extending it to others. As you do, you find that your relationships are wonderful, and nobody gets hurt.

Perfect love unlocks the other two elements. Without love, perfect honesty is impossible because it is often nasty. No one wants your judgements, manipulations, or attacks. Without love, there can also be no compatibility because you are not offering anything desirable.

When we stray from these three perfect conditions, the sex isn’t as good and there are negative consequences that are more severe than any pleasure we get from the sex. But if you can truly put these principles into practice, and even gently show your partners how to do the same, you can enjoy an ongoing sex life that is better than your wildest fantasies.

Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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