Posts categorized "Relationships"

Abscondo Podcast #84: Relationships in these times

How might our families and relationships start to change now?

 

Abscondo Podcast 84

 

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Now is the time to start a meditation practice. It's easy to get started.

Meditation is the most direct way to quiet the mind and to diminish fear. By learning not to chase every thought, and by experiencing those few moments each day of no thought, you allow your body's immune system to strengthen and you allow natural healing to occur. 

An over-active mind makes you feel stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed by fearful thoughts. As we get older and life gets more complicated, this becomes the root cause of our problems. This is a state of being where, even in the middle of the night, you frequently panic the body and divert energy away from its normal functioning. Beyond this, a tortured mind is what drives us into addictions and out-of-control behavior; which, of course, exhausts us further and makes us more susceptible to disease.

As this global crisis plays out, we see that people in some countries have a much higher death rate than in others. The Chinese people, for the most part, know what meditation is, understand the benefits, and know how and when to apply it. Italians and Spanish, for the most part, do not. Notice the huge variation in death rates.

Anyone who has established an ongoing meditation practice has already experienced less illness, release from addictions and mad behavior, and an enhanced ability to fight disease. Now would be a very good time for everyone to go down the path of meditation.

You may find a meditation that works better for you than what I'm about to recommend, but this one has served me very well for 5 or 6 years. I love the meditations put out by Mary Maddux at Meditation Oasis.  They are all free from her podcast link. Find some topics that resonate with you. I like the ones with music (particularly "Let it Be" and "Accessing Intuition").

Any mediation is better than no meditation, but the more you do, the better. I recommend choosing a guided meditation that lasts for at least 15 minutes. Choose a few different ones you like and do them at least once but ideally twice a day.

Don't worry if you're not sure whether you're getting it or if it is helping, just keep doing it. Meditation changes in your life in a very gradual and subtle way. If you stay with it for a few weeks or months, you'll begin to notice seemingly small changes. By creating gaps in your stream of thoughts, you allow consciousness and presence into your state of being.

I believe that meditation is the foundation of spiritual awakening, and it is also one of the easiest and most enjoyable things you'll ever do.

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Abscondo Podcast #82: This is the rapture, the so-called "second-coming" of Jesus Christ, and this is how to survive the end-times.

We are witnessing the death of the ego. To understand the implications, everyone needs to understand the meaning behind the story of the rapture. Those who do not awaken will not survive.

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Abscondo Podcast #81: What is spiritual awakening?

Today's most heartfelt, honest talk covers in-depth details about spiritual awakening and the reason for suffering.

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Fear is the problem, never the solution

Fear is stress, anxiety, and the root of all negative emotion. Fear taxes the body and weakens the immune system. Then we are susceptible to a virus, then still in fear we are unable to heal, then some die. Then the world responds by making everyone even more fearful than they were to begin with. What is the endgame? How do we stop this dark spiral?

This cataclysmic situation will never end until we recognize fear as the only cause and then choose the only solution, which is unconditional love. Love casts out fear.

This message may sound strange to some, but it is ancient wisdom and it wasn’t strange to Jesus. He talked a lot about love because he recognized that only love lifts us from hell. You can recognize this message and, rather than giving into fear, become Christ-like. The world needs leaders to extend perfect love and to show others the way. This is our calling and we must find the strength and courage to respond. It is no joke right now.

Danger and death will always be a part of life. It is here to teach us to overcome it with love. Recognize, only for a moment, that fear cannot possibly solve this crisis. This virus will never be purged from the planet and, even if it was, there will be another virus and endless other reasons to fear.

Do you really think the solution is to hide away from life behind our walls and our masks? If so, the systems we depend upon will be destroyed and most of the people in the world are going to die. We are alive now and we must learn to love now or we are in serious trouble. We must become brave and walk in the dignity of our divinity.

This is the most essential message and lesson of our lives. I released a podcast on this topic today which spells this out in great depth. Please search for Abscondo Podcast #80 on YouTube or wherever you normally listen to podcasts.

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Can you love people and lead them without imposing your will? (Tao Te Ching)

Love does not force anything upon anyone and does not restrict. It does not command, insist, or expect.

To properly and effectively lead others is only to love them. Love nurtures by providing a feeling of safety, comfort and support. Love frees a person to become the best version of him or herself. Love undoes fear, gives permission, and accepts everything about the person and the journey.

What reason can there be to impose your will upon others? It is not the struggle of your will; rather, the effortlessness of your love that provides everything you want and need. To value anything other than love is to misunderstand what love is.

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You cannot communicate by not communicating.

Because of pride, sometimes we choose not to say what we really mean or feel. Instead, we may try to use body language, passive-aggressive silence, or even attack to communicate what we mean to say without saying it—and then we expect the message to be received and somehow understood.

In truth, nothing can be understood unless it is well-communicated. If you love someone, say it. If someone says or does something that hurts you, tell the person how you feel. If you are afraid to lose someone, be honest. If you feel lonely even while in a relationship, find a way to gently say it. If there is something you really want to do with another person, simply express the need.

Any level of understanding in human relationships is difficult enough to achieve even when we are being completely open, honest and accepting. But withhold honesty, keep things inside, or let another person’s behavior silently eat away at you and the relationship begins to feel unbearable. Resentment begins and now everything is a problem. Then, from this place of frustration and suffering, what ends up happening is that your behavior starts to appear crazy to the other person because they have no idea what’s going on.

Trying to communicate by not communicating doesn’t work. It is only pride, which is a pillar of the ego, that would have you attempt such insanity. True communication requires vulnerability. If there is a problem in any relationship, simply be honest about your inner world. Say what you mean. Encourage the other person to do the same. Now you are communicating, and any problem is easily overcome.

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Abscondo Podcast #77: A relationship that can break is a relationship that never even was.

Broken relationships are a tragedy not because they end; rather, because they never began and never even existed. Listen to the podcast here or find the Abscondo Podcast wherever you normally download podcasts.

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Top 10 reasons why marriage ruins love and is completely unnecessary

If you are thinking about getting married someday, I hope this message inspires you to think twice. If you are already married, I hope these words help you and your partner overcome the damage that marriage may have done to you and that, together, you may heal in love. I’m not against marriage, but I am in favor of perfect love that never fades, inner peace, family stability and joyfulness—all of which marriage fails to deliver.

We’ve all heard the opinions against marriage, but sometimes it feels like deciding against marriage is deciding against life-long companionship, children, stability and all those wonderful things which marriage supposedly brings. Nothing is further from the truth! My position against marriage is a position in favor of everything marriage supposedly offers but fails to do so.

Here are my top 10 reasons that marriage fails to deliver what it promises:

1) Marriage places too much focus on the superficial.

When you are in love with someone and decide to be together forever, you should spend your time celebrating that love in private while at the same time looking at the reality of what it means to bring your lives together. There are the living arrangements, the finances, the household chores, the interests and hobbies you both need space for, the family and friendship relationships in both your lives, and so much more.

What do engaged couples do instead? During the wedding planning phase, they spend far too much time and money on the superficial: engagement rings, wedding dresses, cakes, flowers, venues, guest lists, on and on. So much wasted on things that nobody really cares about—things that have nothing to do with your long-term happiness or success as an individual or a couple.

Wedding planning is a huge distraction from everything a couple should enjoy focusing on and making real steps toward. If you want to spend your life together with someone, why not just get started with life instead of this huge, kind of silly spectacle called a wedding?

2) Marriage often prevents couples from real communication and from finding their true path.

Despite what the movies tell us and everyone believes, there is more than one way to do a committed relationship. When two souls unite and your lives merge, why not start with a blank canvass?

What are your needs and those of your partner? Do you believe in unconditional love? Do you practice total openness? Or are there boundaries that you wish to clearly establish? How do you feel about meaningful communication with exes or even new friendships or flirtations?

Marriage is a rigid idea that limits your ability to decide your own reality as a couple. If you're mature enough to commit to each other, you don’t need marriage. Just be open about how you feel, what you need, what excites you, what scares you—and then allow your partner space to do the same.

This is a journey and it takes some time, but if you can get to total understanding through true communication along with trial and error, you will end up with a committed relationship that meets everyone’s needs—and you don’t need any institution to agree with your choices.

3) Marriage is about roles, not about authenticity, honesty and acceptance.

That blissful feeling of being in love is what happens when two people are open and accepting of one another. If you can continue to do this, that feeling of perfect love with no resentment continues—even for life.

To get married is to ruin this feeling of love by agreeing to accept a bunch of default rules and by playing a role. If, one day, you or your partner find yourselves with thoughts, feelings or needs which fall outside the rules and conventions of marriage, now you feel like the relationship has failed. No, in this case the idea of marriage has failed; not necessarily your relationship.

It is enough that you love one another, always be open, and always do your best to accept truth and to work through your feelings together in love. Marriage is this huge, scary, restrictive thing that makes true communication and openness more difficult. 

4) Marriage takes away your freedom to love and to follow your own life path.

Why should the church or the state have anything to say about the way you love or what you choose to do with another consenting adult? Too often, marriage is something people jump into without even understanding it and then, when it fails, they are at the mercy of the courts to decide things that the couple should have worked out on their own.

Why not talk about everything upfront? Will we have kids? How many? What happens if we decide to break up? What if I cheat? What if either of us wants an open relationship? What is your position on debt? Do we want to combine our money or do we want to keep it separate? How would we separate the money if one day we ever split up?

To sign a contract limiting your freedom to love is a tragically foolish decision. Talk about it. Work it out. Regardless of whether you are married, don’t have kids or combine your finances until you are in full agreement and trust each other completely. The stakes are far too high and marriage doesn’t make it any safer!

5) Marriage punishes failure.

Nobody wants a relationship to fail. That’s never the plan. It isn’t as though you need to setup a huge punishment or put forth this ridiculous contract to prevent your partner from leaving you. They aren’t going to leave. That’s why you’re deciding to live together, to have kids and everything, right?

If the whole thing ends up falling apart, that’s tragic enough. On top of this, you don’t need to go through the painful and expensive legal process called divorce. Work things out day-by-day and never agree to anything you might regret later.

Oh, and when it comes to kids: respect each other. You are both parents, you both do your best, and even if your relationship ends it doesn’t mean you have a right to remove the other parent from the child’s life. You are both adults and want to do your best. Show some respect to the person you love or once loved. Work it out as the decent people you are.

If this fails and you must get the courts involved for custody issues or child support, you can do that even if you’ve never been married. Marriage adds nothing of value here.

6) Marriage brings a set of rules that most people cannot adhere to.

Let’s get real, these days it is extremely unlikely for two people to fall in love and never have any needs or desires outside the relationship. I’m not saying that every relationship needs to be an open relationship, but whatever you do agree to should be between you—and it should be specifically talked about, understood, and agreed to by both parties without any reservations. Otherwise, marriage or no marriage, you aren’t ready to start a life together.

Oftentimes, marriage helps people avoid these kinds of honest conversations and difficult decisions. Then, you end up quite shocked later to find out who you married. Open-up, have some real conversations, be honest. You may be surprised to find out how exciting and enjoyable this is—even if it can be scary at first. But there’s no other way for two people to make a life-long relationship work and to establish real trust.

7) Marriage is so scary that people end up alone.

These days, so many people stay single because they are terrified about the idea of marriage. They want to spend their lives with that special person, they want children, but the idea of marriage is so huge and scary that they sabotage relationships before it gets to this stage. This is tragic.

You don’t need to be married in order to live together and to have children. If marriage scares you, then don’t do it. Enjoy your relationship. Be yourself. Live your life.

8) Marriage adds nothing.

Are we talking about hospital visitation rights? Inheritance? This can be dealt with directly with separate contracts and agreements (as can everything else in life).

I would have a very difficult time coming up with reasons that marriage makes sense. What is the purpose? To spend your savings for a big day? To post pictures that aren’t entirely honest? To trap someone for life? What exactly does marriage add?

9) Marriage is way too expensive.

The diamond ring, wedding dress, the food and drinks, the travel, the venue, the flowers, the invitations—what if you kept that money in your savings account or used it to actually start your life together?

Would you not sleep better just skipping that year-long engagement where you are pressured by salespeople (and your partner) to spend all your money on things you don’t want?

10) An untethered love relationship and life together is far more romantic!

Do you want the most important decision of your life to be something so unoriginal that you have nothing to say about it? Or do you want to blaze your own trail as an individual, couple, and family?

We were not born just to adhere to a set of rules that have already been figured out. Follow the path of normalcy, guided by fear, and your life will not have much impact. You will not be remembered for anything in particular and you will not have much of a story to tell.

Everything you want is found in your freedom to do it. You don’t have to sacrifice your freedom for perfect love, a committed, loving relationship and family. Nothing is found in sacrifice, while instead everything is…well…sacrificed. Be brave enough to have it all and give the same to the person you love.

A committed relationship is a creative endeavor which also happens to be the most enjoyable and meaningful thing we do in life. Allow yourself to grow, to be you, and to let your love flow freely. Whether or not you are married, do not give marriage any importance.

What matters is only the love you share and the most romantic thing you can do is own it, celebrate it, and live it on your terms. Marriage doesn’t matter, what's between you and that special person does.

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There is only a higher good, which includes the bad. (Eckhart Tolle)

This statement may sound a bit like denial. From the perspective of the mind, of course good and bad things do happen. However, the message is to allow things to be as they are.

This is forgiveness and, as Eckhart Tolle explains, “forgiveness of the present is even more important than forgiveness of the past.”

We’re not talking about achieving happiness—happiness has to do with an external situation. We are talking about inner peace. It’s impossible to be happy when someone you love dies or when a tragedy happens; but you can stay connected to a sense of inner peace at all times.

Acceptance doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means accepting what is even as you do whatever you have to do in response. Of course the unobserved, egoic mind cannot accept unconditionally; but you can.

Aware of your still, silent identity as consciousness, you can always choose acceptance of what is. Do this, and you have transcended the mind-dominated state. Your doing is then inspired from the higher realm of universal intelligence beyond the mind.

When you are no longer your ego, love is unconditional and relationships are enjoyable. Your ongoing state of being is peaceful. You no longer attack in any form. You create value and serve rather than take. Your suffering is diminished and your beautiful state of being brings abundance in all areas of life.

Unconditional acceptance of things aligns you with the good which has no opposite.

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