Posts categorized "Relationships"

By always choosing honesty, you allow reality to reveal itself to you as it is.

You have probably learned the world’s lesson that there is no truth, only shades of gray. Or you may think there are different kinds of truth—that there is universal truth, plain truth, and perhaps ugly truth. Some truths are considered good, appropriate, or acceptable; while others are meant to be hidden in shame. You may believe that you have your truths and I have mine; or that you would have to convince everyone of your truth for it to be considered true at all. So, you remain stuck in the mental game of argument and debate.

Truth can only be honesty. There are no orders of reality to honesty. There are no levels or different types. The truth about an error is no less truthful than the truth of love. Therefore, there is no need to judge or sort out the significance or importance of various truths. The truth about your life, your feelings, your desires, your needs, your experiences, or your fantasies are no less honest than the truths spoken by the Buddha, Lao Tzu or Jesus Christ.

All honesty is truth and can be honored equally. The philosophy of truth is simple: if you are telling the truth and you want only truth, then you are on the right path. You are allowing reality to reveal itself to you as it is.

Nobody can judge your path. There is nothing to argue or debate. There is no superior form of honesty; only honesty or dishonesty. You don’t need to discover the ultimate secrets of the universe right now, though you probably will. For now, you only need to be honest. So how do you choose honesty? By always being honest and calmly accepting the honesty of others.

–From my free eBook, The Switch.

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Use honesty, never attack

We attack because we believe it works and because we feel justified. We use words or actions meant to be harsh or hurtful to teach a lesson or change someone’s behavior.

Does attack ever work? In the short term, it can sometimes appear to. You may get the desired behavior from a friend, loved one, or subordinate. A child may comply. But, beneath the surface, you have only taught that you are violent. You have created fear and, because you are now feared, have ended trust and closeness in the relationship. You will lose influence over the situation because the real lesson will not be understood and, going forward, you will be avoided.

If you feel the need to try to correct someone, why not calmly, lovingly, honestly discuss your concern? Help a child understand their errors and likely consequences. Share your feelings with a friend or loved one. Help a subordinate understand the expectations of the relationship. If you are right about something, the loving and honest approach is the way to actually correct error.

Correction isn’t about causing someone to be afraid of you or the painful consequences you will impose. True change is only possible through a mutual understanding of reality. Speak truthfully to help others see the truth of the situation. Listen openly and with acceptance of others. In doing so, you both dissolve problems without conflict and teach that the loving response is always the correct response to any challenge.

The truth of any situation is found only in love and honesty. Attack wields literally no lasting power. Attack does not fix the problem; it is the problem. The loving response is always the correct response, and I assure you that, aligned with love, relationships are extremely easy.

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You who withhold your unconditional love are literally denying heaven for yourself

You are not guilty, nor is anyone. We have errored at times; but error is never anything but acting without love.

The correction for lack of love is unconditional love. Only light undoes darkness and only love undoes sin. To love unconditionally is to forgive.

There is, therefore, no reason to ever withhold unconditional love. While the world would convince you otherwise, this love-starved world is clearly not heaven and does not understand the lesson.

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The truth can only be loving because only love is true

People are afraid of perfect honesty because we are afraid of getting hurt. This is shortsighted because, in the end, only perfect love can be the truth.

Honesty, however, is a process—an ongoing process, a thought system, a radically different way of life. Whenever two people begin to practice perfect honesty, at first it can hurt. But the only thing getting hurt is the ego.

The ego—with its faith in guilt, attack, specialness, superiority, and brutal selfishness—hurts like hell when it is exposed because looking at your own nastiness and ugliness is painful. When two people allow the ego to be fully exposed—when they accept it and look at it honestly—what they will ultimately see is something they do not want. Facing the truth is the undoing of ego.

All the things we are afraid to confront, the hidden thoughts and secrets we are slaves to—these are only unreal illusions. In the ultimate reality, everything the ego makes is nothing and, therefore, should not be valued or respected as something.

When two people keep going more deeply into honesty, what is ultimately revealed is perfect truth: which is and can only be unconditional love.

The path to salvation, awakening, enlightenment, unconditional love—whatever you want to call it—is and can only be the path of honesty. Honesty is the undoing of all the errors which block love.

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If you place any limits on truth, you will not have it

If you want perfect honesty, you will need to learn unconditional acceptance. Of course, no matter which path you choose (rules or acceptance), the truth will remain true regardless. Seen in this light, the choice for acceptance is quite clear.

Truth cannot be changed by your attempts to deny it or desire to change it. If there are rules or taboos—and particularly if there are threats of punishment along with it—truth has been forced into hiding and dishonesty is likely to emerge in any relationship.

Agreeing to any rule is, in effect, agreeing that you might eventually have to lie. Setting a rule or making anything taboo is asking the other person to lie. Do you value knowing or not knowing? If you value knowing, then don’t make knowing impossible by setting limits on truth.

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Everything that has been causing you misery has been constructed with lies

We live in a web of lies. There are the lies others tell us and we believe. There are also the lies we tell ourselves. Then there are the lies we tell others which seem to offer a solution to a problem or a way to get what we want. All lies end in crisis.

What is crisis other than the light of truth exposing an illusion? If there were no illusions to begin with, what crisis could there be? You would live in truth—in reality. What is real cannot change or be threatened. Align fully with what is real so that crisis, misery, and suffering become impossible. 

To live in peace is to live within the calm safety of truth. When there are no lies anywhere in your life, then you are free. But, to get there, you’ll have to start eliminating all untruth wherever it may exist in your life. You will need to be perfectly honest with yourself, perfectly honest about whether you believe any of the tired and insane lessons of the world, and perfectly honest in all your communication with everyone.

This shift toward perfect honesty, for a time, will bring about painful changes in your life. This is the undoing of ego, the shedding of all the lies that have kept you suffering. There is no way to awaken to consciousness, to enter the kingdom of heaven, to end your suffering if you do not start with perfect honesty.

Anything less than perfect honesty is belief in separation; the idea that there is still some value in keeping yourself apart from the perfect force of life, the ultimate reality, experienced as perfect love. Perfect honesty always.

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When you are honest with people, you don’t have to avoid them.

Too often, we are closed to people for the simple reason that we are afraid of getting ourselves into a situation we do not want to be in. We put up walls to avoid later having to admit how we feel or state our needs.

Even when we are open, we are too polite. We agree to things to please others. We try to impress by agreeing to things we don’t agree to. So we lose our freedom and suffocate. Then we burn bridges and retreat back into separation. Better to just state our needs openly.

When we learn to tell people how we feel and what we want, then we leave it to them to decide how to respond. The reaction may be negative. Fine, then the relationship dissolves because there is no fit. More likely, honesty will deepen bonds and bring true union...without sacrificing our freedom or getting us into situations we don’t want to be in.

Open completely to all, but only if you are prepared to be totally honest and accept the same in return. Now all our relationships become a spiritual practice.

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The holy relationship

"When you unite with me you are uniting without the ego, because I have renounced the ego in myself and therefore cannot unite with yours. Our union is therefore the way to renounce the ego in you."

A Course in Miracles (T-8.V.4)

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The loneliest people...

“How come no one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth”
-Kings of Convenience (song: Misread)

The more I speak the truth, the fewer people who want anything to do with me. I am grateful for a those few deep, perfect, loving relationships. However, it saddens me to think about the countless people I have known who have rejected the type of honest, open, loving, close friendship I offer freely. Why?

How is it that people hide away in depression, are overwhelmed with stress, and are burdened with seemingly insurmountable problems when the truth is that perfect joy is so easily attainable with one specific decision?

Those of us who have found the truth about love / truth / reality / ego—who have genuinely awakened spiritually—know that nobody wants to end their suffering. They so desperately cling to it that our message of love, joy, perfect health and peace is unwelcomed. All communication is then broken. They think that we don’t understand them and their “reality”. So, we no longer matter.

I find it so very sad. I offer only unconditional love, patience, and understanding. I want to celebrate and discuss everything beautiful, everything that matters. I want to smile and laugh together. To overcome the world’s darkness with our inner light. So very few are willing to accept any of this.

And yet, regardless of our individual decisions, the truth remains. You will never find lasting happiness unless you are willing to destroy / escape the ego. You will never find peace and experience true beauty unless you are willing to fully embrace and align with unconditional love. You will always suffer if lost in past and future or are clinging to an identity in this world. To experience the present moment—the only reality that ever was and ever will be—you will need to meditate and maintain a daily spiritual practice. Anything that is not loving is not real—and to experience love fear must be rejected totally.

There are specific teachings that will take you all the way to salvation—perfect, ongoing joy, eternal life, the end of your problems—and to achieve this is only to humbly surrender to the higher truth. Not my truth, just the one I was humble enough to find. It is reality and is yours now and always, in love.

How come no one told me All throughout history The loneliest people Were the ones who always spoke the truth

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Why do people find it so difficult to forgive?

People who have not yet transcended ego find it impossible to forgive. Even after a heartfelt apology, the response is often, “I’m working on forgiving you” or “you still haven’t apologized properly for what you’ve done.” Other times, they simply consider a person unforgivable. What exactly does this person mean by forgiveness?

The unobserved, egoic mind uses forgiveness as a means for domination and control. What this person wants in an apology is that the “guilty party” give up all personal freedom and concede everything. Anything short of this is considered an unacceptable and inappropriate apology.

To the ego, everything is reduced to a question of “what about me?” or “what do I get?”. The ego has no ability to empathize with, respect, or accept a person’s life journey. Instead, everything must be controlled and manipulated.

Of course, it is impossible for anyone to completely concede control over their life to such a confused person. What ends up happening instead is a fearful concession, then deception.

But a person who has awakened to the dimension beyond the ego forgives instantly. We see no sin; rather, only error to be corrected in love. We offer unconditional acceptance and respond in love. We are also free to love and will not concede to being controlled or dominated by other people’s egos.

This is one of the reasons why it is so impossible for a spiritually awakened person to coexist alongside a person who has not yet awakened. If you refuse to be completely controlled by an ego, you will be considered unforgivable and immediately discarded. Sadly, you never meant any harm. You only wanted your freedom to be love and to give love on your terms.

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