Posts categorized "Love"

How to achieve honesty in a relationship?

Yesterday, a friend told me that she is afraid of getting bored in a relationship—ending up being just two strangers living next to each other without emotions. Worse yet, she strongly dislikes dishonesty. She also says that losing trust is what scares her the most and left me with a few questions:


How can you preserve trust?

As I have said and written about repeatedly, you can only trust your partner if you have first offered unconditional love. The mind finds this statement ironic and confusing.  How can I offer unconditional love / acceptance in a situation where, for example, I have been deceived?

Turn this around. What is the cause of deceit? Do we not lie, deceive, or cheat to avoid rules, expectations, and the negative consequence of speaking or living our truth? Would anyone have a reason to deceive if unconditional acceptance and the possibility for total openness was first made real?

It might take some time to create such a relationship—time to know with any degree of certainty that you will not be punished for your truth, some practice learning to tell and live your truth lovingly and sensitively, and you may need to work through any emotions that do exist. But this is what a relationship is and it is fun—particularly if you start from the very beginning, before there is so much codependence and attachment. If there is true love, you can always find a way to love the person truly and to accept exactly who he or she honestly is.

Offer your partner the possibility of unconditional love right from the start and always. Make no rules and set no expectations about anything. When something is said, done, or wanted that causes an emotional challenge, talk openly about it. Give your partner a chance to show he or she loves you, to explain things fully, to help you understand and feel understood. Love will melt away any negative emotions. In the end, you will grow closer. One day, the trust will be so great that you no longer need to go through this process.


Is it possible to regain trust once it has broken?

If there is love, then yes. You can use this same approach. Reveal all your feelings about the situation, reveal how much it hurts, and repeat that there is never a reason to deceive. You want to know what’s going on and will not punish. You want to accept everything. You just want to know the truth. You want the opportunity to love the person for who he or she truly is.

Unconditional love does not mean that you are stuck with an abuser. That would be a condition. It is possible to love the truth about someone, to love their heart and soul, but also come to the recognition that you are not loved in return or that living together isn’t healthy. Unconditional love means that you do not attach your love to a set of rules or conditions and then withdraw love and affection when they are not met. That isn’t love; rather, an arrangement.

The conditional relationship also leads to my friend’s first concern: feeling isolated and bored. This happens when you are forced to hide who you are, or when you force your partner to do the same.

Creating a relationship based on love requires that you drop your pride and humble yourself. Your partner’s needs, habits, and perspectives are not an attack on you. It is about him or here. At the same time, humbling yourself does not mean that you ignore your needs.

By offering unconditional love, which can only happen after you learn self-love, you must also offer yourself the possibility of perfect honesty, openness, and acceptance. If your partner is not interested in unconditional love, acceptance, and openness, then you can be honest anyway and let the relationship run its natural course. Either you are loved for who you are, or you are not loved. Have patience, learn this dance together, and you will create the most beautiful, eternal relationship.

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The miracle is love, and it cures all sickness

Millions of people in the world identify as “spiritual”. But only a tiny percentage of us say that we are fully awakened, that we have died to the world, have transcended ego, or that we have experienced salvation. Many are spiritual seekers, but then claim it is impossible to be completely free from the ego’s grip.

There is a reason why people find me annoying—why very few people care at all about this post or the 679 preceding it. Rather than seeking approval, I say clearly and openly that I have completely destroyed my ego. My full faith is in God’s love as the answer to every challenge. My real life is such that I do not experience suffering, crisis, or arguments in my close relationships. It is also annoying to people when I share the good news that I used to be ill all the time, then I awakened 6 years ago and no longer get sick.

The ego retains control over people by convincing them that sickness is real, sacrifice is virtue, suffering is inevitable, that people cannot be trusted, that fear is natural, anger and attack is sometimes justified, jealousy and possessiveness is love, and so on. Remember, the ego’s mantra is “seek but do not find”. A person who has shattered the ego is largely left alone in a miserable world run by ego. We try to share the good news, but ego cannot listen because that would spell its death and your joy.

There are no degrees to salvation. You can’t be “a little more spiritual” or have “less of a problem with ego”. You are either in the egoic state of existence or you are spiritually conscious. You are either led by fear (and all the negative emotions that flow from it) or love. You cannot serve two masters and cannot find any degree of sanity within two thought systems—one sane and the other insane, one real and the other unreal. Retain any illusions and the eternal promises of spiritual awakening remain only theory for you (not your reality).

When I say that I am spiritually awake, I am not claiming to be perfect. When I err, which happens frequently, I can unemotionally observe the error and undo it. If the ego re-emerges—perhaps through an occasional attack thought here or there—then I (the real me, as consciousness) can observe it, disidentify from it, let it go, correct any damage that has been done, and re-align with the thought system and energy of love.

The world is sick, and all sickness is of the ego. The ego puts stress on the body, drains us of vital energy, and weakens our immune systems until we fall ill. How do I know this is true? By testing out egoless existence and experiencing perfect health, myself. Since I first heard of COVID-19, almost a year ago now, I remembered this quote from A Course in Miracles and knew that it was not real. I knew that a spiritually awakened individual cannot catch it and certainly cannot die from it. We are immune.

“It must be true the miracle can heal all forms of sickness, or it cannot heal. Its purpose cannot be to judge which forms are real, and which appearances are true.” -A Course in Miracles

Those who convince us of the reality of COVID, who force us into submission through mandatory masks, social distancing, and vaccines, who tell us a more dangerous strain is on the horizon—these are the dark forces of ego. The ego is the conditioned mind. The world domesticates and indoctrinates us, and it happens from birth. Spiritual awakening means completely transcending the ego in yourself and ignoring it in the world. The news media is an illusion, as is politics. The healthcare system causes illness far more than it cures. Every centralized institution is a giant ego that attacks us. All of this is untrue. False. Illusion. It only has meaning if we give it meaning.

This is salvation. There are many paths, many different teachings and faiths, and various words pointing to this same thing, but it really is this simple. Do not try to understand this with the mind. Open the mind and heart. Read / listen to the beautiful books of self-evident truth and wisdom. Suspend disbelief. Put it into practice. Find out for yourself what joy, happiness, love, perfect safety, and the absence of suffering feels like. Go all the way or don’t bother at all.

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What should I do about cheating and my feelings of jealousy?

No matter what is going on in the world, the most popular topic on this blog is sex. While I have written proportionately little about sex, the topic of sex is what people are searching for. When people contact me, it is usually with questions about their romantic relationship and, more specifically, about jealousy and sex.

My position on jealousy, cheating, monogamy and sex is always the same, without exception, and it is completely clear. It is a position that is in full alignment with all the spiritual lessons being taught here—including lessons of acceptance, openness, wanting only truth, and enjoying life.

There are no exceptions to unconditional love. As A Course in Miracles states, “There are no exceptions to the lesson, because the lack of exceptions is the lesson.” Can a love relationship be perfect, complete, and unconditional if there are conditions placed upon it? No.

People ask, “what about in the case of cheating?” To that, I answer: if there has been cheating, then there must have been an arrangement where the total truth, full openness, and acceptance of each other has been made impossible. This undoing of love is typically done through rules. Rules are typically backed by threats.

In a normal relationship based upon rules and expectations, the feeling of closeness is impossible because a part of you is rejected. Now the feeling of love is eroded, resentment ensues, a strong need for unconditional love remains. So the desire to cheat becomes very real. Even when there is no cheating, to impose a boundary on a partner means that you can no longer be sure what your partner is thinking, wanting, feeling, or doing. This hurts.

A holy relationship is between two spiritually awakened individuals united by unconditional love. Here there are no rules. In love, all feelings can be accepted and shared openly. All challenges can be solved. All needs can be met. No demands are ever placed upon the other. Nothing needs to be hidden, and you can both be free.

“What about sex with other people?” If your partner has a real need, and you claim to love this person, you must love the whole person. This must go both ways. What you may find is that, in a holy relationship, the burning need for someone new is greatly diminished. No other person can provide what you already have. If there is still some need remaining, some strong curiosity or passion for something, then it can be approached in the spirit of fun—because you both know that your love is eternal and no other person is going to threaten your perfect relationship.

This is not how the world does relationships. This is why the vast majority of relationships in the world are miserable, why people lie and cheat, and why parents separate. The approach I am describing is not a matter of opinion. I am describing the unchangeable reality of romantic relationships and marriages. You can ignore it, but the result will be suffering and crisis. The purpose of all the pain we go through in relationships is to teach us the lesson about this unchangeable truth.

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Punishment makes honesty impossible

Imagine a relationship or marriage in which you could be perfectly honest and open about everything. Imagine if your partner, children, family, and friends could do the same with you. I enjoy exactly this kind of relationship with my partner and children. It is bliss. I would describe it as comfort without disruption. No conflict. Closeness. Freedom. Love that never fades.

This type of relationship is only possible through a mutual commitment to unconditional acceptance (unconditional love). There can sometimes be feelings to work through. But there can never be any judging, blaming, shaming, or making anyone wrong. We love one another, so that must mean we love the whole truth about who we are.

Today, the world is devoid of honesty. Not just in relationships and families, but in politics, business—in all institutions and through every aspect of life. Everyone is afraid of being shut down, cut out, shamed, or brutally punished. It is a culture of violence where we are made to feel that something is always wrong with us. We nervously hold our breath as we struggle to hide everything. We hide from society and from each other. We even try to hide our honest thoughts, feelings, and desires from ourselves.

Dishonesty is the sickness which has cast such a dark spell over the world, but it is the effect of punishment. Punishment is the cause. The healing of the world is only possible through honesty and openness. To achieve this, we need to start with the full truth about everything. From that point forward, there can be no punishment but there can also be no secrecy. Criminal behavior, or any form of corruption and secrecy, is never justified and must be corrected through loving intervention rather than punishment.

There are those who lack the light of love and honesty. In the new, awakened world, they can be forcefully rehabilitated through the thought system and energy of love. Love’s healing is inevitable and self-evident because love contains within it everything that each of us want. When the reality of love, honesty, truth, and beauty is experienced—when we are fully accepted and forgiven—then we are reborn. This is salvation, which is only possible when we do away with punishment. Forgiveness.

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Abscondo Podcast #91: What happens after the Great Awakening?

With all this talk of the Great Awakening, the threat of COVID and the Great Reset, election fraud, Sidney Powell, Rudy Giuliani, Trump, MAGA, MEGA, and so on...I wanted to offer the perspective of a person who has gone through his own Great Awakening almost 20 years ago. What is life like? What comes next? What other steps are required for happiness?

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I forgive all because I know that error and sickness is impotent.

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Total healing requires only a single instant of unconditional love. This means loving every being as one—as an extension of the self—and then extending that love without any form of attack. Withholding forgiveness, punishing, blaming, shaming, making demands—this is faith in attack, not in love.

This lesson is that only unconditional love—which includes unconditional acceptance, total forgiveness, and perfect honesty—is healing. The lesson is easier to apply in the case of small errors. But how can we apply unconditional love and total forgiveness where there is child abuse, murder, violence, oppression, or corruption?

Start by remembering that only a single holy instant of your perfect love is enough for total, eternal healing. If you can do this fully once, you break the ego’s grip on your forever. You may occasionally get pulled back into fear or indignation, but you will never forget the higher truth of perfect, unconditional love. This will be your home.

I am thinking about the liars, the criminals, those who murder the innocent, yield fear as a weapon, those who rob populations of their livelihoods and traditions—I ask myself again, how am I to love these people unconditionally and forgive completely? After I experienced my holy instant—my awakening to spirituality—I can no longer believe that anything of the world has any power over perfect love (which is, in other words, the force of life, of creation—God). If I stray from love, I place my faith in the ego, I believe in the power of error, and in evil itself as a real threat.

The fallen and corrupted are those who believe in their black magic—their secrets, their bargains. And where has it delivered them to other than hell?

We are not bodies warring; this is not who we are. Our identity is in spirit. It is not in the realm of physical matter. Consciousness, itself—the “you” who is observing your thoughts, sensing your body, perceiving this world—consciousness is the same across us all. This is what is meant by “we are one”.

In spirit, we all have the same needs—and they are already fulfilled when we stop sacrificing to the ego. Those who identify with the ego desperately seek to fulfill their needs in the world. This strategy always fails because reality is non-negotiable.

I forgive all because I know that error and sickness is impotent. “Evil” has no power over the real me as eternal love, spirit, consciousness. Any correction or healing can only be done by teaching the true lesson: love, and do not attack in any form.

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The only thing that is required for healing is a lack of fear. (A Course in Miracles)

“Don’t worry!” It sounds easy, right? But to achieve fearlessness is to reach the highest level of success in life.

From fear flows illness, suffering, grumpiness, anger, hate, jealousy, and all negative emotions. It is only one thing, though appears to take many forms. The only antidote to fear is love. When aligned with love—in love with yourself and all of life—fear is absent. Only fear pulls you away from love, and it is impossible to feel and to experience both love and fear at the same time. You can’t serve two masters.

If you choose to view the world around you from a position of fear, your impulse is to control everything. You fight everything. You attack and do whatever it takes to shape the world because you believe it will end suffering and stress. Has this worked so far? No, because it is impossible. The world is too complex to be controlled and too far outside of our control.

If you choose to view the world around you from a position of love, you find that love is truth. You learn that wanting this truth requires openness, honesty, and acceptance. Your role, as love, is to dissolve conflict, to create, and to serve. You can effortlessly bring positive energy and a cooler head to all situations. You can allow people and events to take their own course and respond lovingly, without trying to control.

But how? Not by trying to delude yourself. Not by establishing boundaries. Not through wishful thinking. This is all very fragile and is of the ego because it is separation. Separation is a choice for the values of death, and ultimately leads to more fear.

The answer: through faith. Faith in the power of love now, which is the divine force of life. Aligned with love, there is no stress. Therefore, no illness. Love allows you to ask real questions and receive real answers. As love, you have the power to look upon anything and transform it from dark to light by simply revealing its reality. Your relationships are unbreakable, your value clear, your eternal life built upon a foundation which is beyond threat. As love, there is nothing to fear.

This isn’t easy as an ongoing state, but even a holy instant spent aligned with perfect love is the miracle. Perfect love is a daily practice—a spiritual practice. This is what we are doing here.  

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How can we forgive the fraud, the lies, the oppression, and everything that has been done to us?

We are awakening to a new understanding of the world. For longer than we have been alive, our world has been ruled by dark forces. What we have been shown and taught is not real. Now their control over our lives is slipping, and all the chaos of 2020 is their last attempt to hold on as the forces of light take over.

We are fighting for our lives, placing our faith in truth-seeking and truth-telling. We see what is happening. We understand the depths of the wrongdoing. Many are calling for revenge. But how do I see this as a spiritually awakened person?

I do not believe in attack in any form, including punishment, because it teaches nothing. I believe in total forgiveness. I believe that the idea of sin is an unreal perception of error. Yes, many have committed tragic errors. They are already paying the price, yet they continue because they see no way out. They believe that, if they were to confess and atone, that they would only be severely punished—perhaps for the remainder of their lives.

Like everyone, I have suffered under the crimes of these people. Their ignorance has caused unnecessary fear, confusion, and impoverishment in all forms. They have corrupted every aspect of society. But deep down, I do not want punishment. I just want it to stop! That is what all of us are fighting for.

Please. Just stop. Be honest. Be fair. Let us be free. Let us live our lives. That is all we want.

Now this is coming to a head. If our response is only to punish, then the Great Awakening—or the Consciousness Revolution—will not have occurred. Instead, we will continue to believe in us against them and that attack teaches lessons or means something. Yes, we will have won this battle. But, in the end, if we do not forgive then we will be no different from them. Healing is impossible without forgiveness. Without true forgiveness, the sick thought system of ego will continue to prevail over the world as it has for thousands of years—only it will be our side teaching it. Let us, instead, teach the true thought system.

This is not about us against them. It is about using truth to reveal corruption and love to dispel fear. I do not want to lock anybody up. I want healing. When the forces of light prevail, I pray we create space to look at the whole truth. We can encourage everyone to tell the whole truth about what we have done and why. This is how we destroy ego.

Strip them from their positions of false authority, yes. Then make them humble by making them confess the whole truth about what they have done, why, and why they know it is wrong. We are not victims, we are healers. We will cast out the ego. We will bring them to their knees and then correct all error. This is love, which contains all power and is the only real revolution.

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The miracle is love

Each moment, we face a choice between fear and love. Fear causes low energy. It generates stress that sickens and weakens the body. Causes negativity and makes us distrusting and judgmental. Here life becomes impossibe. Keep fear real for long and it consumes you.

The function of the world is to make us fearful. Our function is to overcome it. Only love casts out fear; healing the mind and body. Through the power of love, you create joy and beauty from a state of lasting peace.

Yet it is impossible to live in the world and not to fear...not to be overcome by stress at times. Fear is the world's cry for our attention. Why? Because there are situations requiring our attention.

When fear calls, it is always a call to respond in love. Love is always accepting. Always honest. Never attacks. Love is sanity and wisdom.

The Great Awakening is a new way of being in this world. We are open-minded, accepting of even ugly truth, sometimes pulled into fear. But as soon as we go there, we are learning to respond with the power of love. This is the process of healing, which is a miracle.

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#greatawakening #acim #acourseinmiracles #stress #love #awakening #consciousness #spiritually

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I only want the truth

The reason we hide from or deny the truth is to maintain a sense of identity. “Who am I in this world?”—this is perhaps life’s most fundamental question.

To answer this question, we do our best to find out what we agree with. We try to figure out what is good, correct, popular, or cool. We make affiliations, we identify with this movement or that organization, and it seems that we gain that sense of identity.

When we think of identity, we mean something permanent. If you frequently change your mind, others may see you as confused or lost in the world. So, we cling to an idea even long after it has been corrupted and proven as utterly untrue. This is total confusion—embarrassing at best, criminal at worst.

The fundamental error here is false identity—a basic error of the ego. We are not our affiliations, our opinions, our status, our positions in life or anything else. There is a deeper identity within, which might be called love.

By assuming your deeper identity as love, you do the things that love does. Love requires honesty and wanting only truth always—even uncomfortable truth. Love is also kind, helpful, giving, eternal, and has many other characteristics.

The point is, when you claim your divine identity as love, then you have no problem instantly changing your mind about political affiliations, opinions, relationships, or anything else.

Now all loyalty is to truth itself, so you become very honest with yourself and others.

Now you are no longer threatened by changes in the world, by new information, or by anything at all because nothing is more real than love.

Here is what is truly fascinating: only by recognizing your identity as love can you end confusion.

Now you can align with reality, dig into it, talk about it, do something about it or accept it.

Now you become a truth-seeker. No more illusions; rather, a total embrace of the realities of this world and beyond.     

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