Posts categorized "Love"

There is a light this world cannot give, but you can give it. (A Course in Miracles)

Why do we want so badly to change the world? Because we long so badly for paradise, or even just a temporary retreat from the madness. We want the darkness of this world to end so that peace, love, justice, and kindness might reign.

But can we really ask more of the world than what it is? I don’t think so. From my perspective, the world is not dark. It is filled with so much beauty and perfection that it cannot be fully experienced in 1,000 lifetimes. There is so much light, so much color, so much warmth, mostly balance, the right amount of excitement, and pervasive beauty available to all the senses. It is all here, surrounding us right now. Even human beings, if looked upon in this light, are the most magnificent creation of all.

Where anything is wrong, it is that we have retreated from the natural state of beauty into the darkness of our own minds. We have assumed our own fictitious stories and identities, and have withdrawn into our own darkness. Yes, we have been conditioned unjustly and led astray; but this tragic outcome is nothing more than an individual choice for each and every one of us alive.

How is it that we claim to seek light from the world and not see it? Why do we claim to want light when, in truth, we have sought only darkness and have cared only about the darkness? The end of this tragic error starts now.

What I call the light is life, itself, which is experienced as the energy of love. Its energy pervades this world and it is what we are. You are innocent, the doors of this so-called prison are wide open, and you need only take a single step toward the light. See only the light within and without—be only that, ignoring all else because nothing else has any reality. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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Posted by Abscondo

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Does the perfect relationship exist?

The world has come to accept the idea that a committed relationship or marriage must involve sacrifice, that you can’t have it all, and that there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. They say that, for a relationship to work, both partners need to compromise.

So, we withhold some degree of openness and perfect honesty right from the start. Couples cut themselves off from the world and consciously design a life situation where personal freedom is sacrificed at the altar of a relationship that is supposed to save us. But how can salvation be found in any situation where we can’t be entirely open, honest or free?

We try to become close to one person so that we are no longer lonely, yet we end up suffocating because so much of who we are is no longer accepted and can no longer be expressed. Sex is a huge part of any romantic connection, yet we repress our sexual needs for the supposed purpose of having them met within the relationship. Is it not insane to sacrifice the very thing we are attempting to get and still expect to get it? Thus is the error of all sacrifice.

It is no wonder that relationships in this world are so broken. Marriages fail all the time and in so many ways. Parents and children then endure the nastiness of divorce, broken homes, financial ruin, and ongoing war between people who once promised their undying love and loyalty. Others stay together in a closed state of existence where there is no inspiration, no excitement, no joy—numbing their pain with alcohol, junk food, and junk entertainment which quickens the slide into old age.

The media makes countless jokes about this tragic situation. Everyone has learned to accept it, yet none of this is in any way acceptable or even necessary. If you want endless love, lasting joy, perfect freedom and closeness, then there is an entirely different and superior way to do relationships. I am going to be perfectly, unapologetically honest because this truth cannot be shared by holding anything back.

My partner, Zuzana, and I have been together for roughly 5 years. We never fight, disagree, or argue—not because of willpower, but because there is no need. We are completely open about everything. No topic, no thought, no need—nothing at all is off-limits. We are both entirely free, even as we choose to spend most of our time together. Because of the DNA of our relationship, that feeling of excitement, love, and bliss has continued to increase over the years.

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You might think that this is impossible…that I am exaggerating. Friends think we are projecting a false image, or that we simply got lucky and met the right person. It is true that, yes, we are physically attracted to each other and we do share the same tastes. This is an essential starting point; but this alone would not be enough if we were not “doing the relationship” right.

When we first met, we agreed that we would be perfectly honest and open about everything. Furthermore, we agreed that we would not judge one another. Since we don't feel there is anything wrong with either of us, unconditional acceptance was to be the default. If there were any feelings of possessiveness or jealousy, then this would be dealt with directly and lovingly—but we would not sacrifice honesty at the altar of that jealousy. Furthermore, there were to be no promises about anything, no conditions, no expectations. We were, in a sense, simply best friends who were also very attracted to each other and wanted to hang out. The perfect relationship, the perfect love.

“But,” you may ask, “don’t you draw a line when it comes to sex with other people?” No. If there are limits to unconditional love, then it is not unconditional love. If there are limits to perfect honesty and openness, then it is not honesty and openness. If there are limits to freedom, then it is not freedom.

So began our little experiment. We had no goals, no agenda, and in the beginning we certainly did not intend to live together or to have children. We simply enjoyed our connection while it lasted, yet we both remained open to other people, maintained other relationships, and were perfectly honest about it all. When there was jealousy, we went through it together, reassured each other about our true feelings toward each other, and remained rooted in the truth about our relationship. In the beginning, this was not easy, particularly for her (because of my needs).

Many years before we met, I realized that I am polyamorous. I have always been happiest and feel most natural in a situation where I can be close to, and have sex with, more than one woman in my life. When I have attempted to deny this part of myself, I have suffocated in a relationship, I have lied, and eventually have done worse. By the time I met Zuzana, I knew that I would either need to be in an open relationship or be single. Despite my best intentions, monogamy did not make me a good person and; therefore, was not an option for me (no matter how wonderful or perfect any one woman may be).

If we are being honest with ourselves, most people feel this way deep down. You may not have a need to go out and meet somebody new all the time, but you surely would like the option if there ever is a need. The problem with this, of course, is that if you grant yourself this right, then any fair person must also offer the same to their partner. Thus, we must confront our own sexual jealousy.

Sexual jealousy seems like the scariest thing in the world to deal with. But far worse than any sexual act is deception. Most people equate non-monogamy with cheating, but it is not the same thing. Cheating breaks all trust in a relationship, making forbidden sex with another person seem more important than the relationship. In truth, sex is never is that important. People cheat either because it is so much fun or because they are lacking intimacy and closeness in the relationship. But, to the person being cheated on, confronted with so many lies and so much betrayal, everything breaks. To avoid this sure recipe for crisis, sex must be dealt with, from the very beginning of a relationship, in the light of day.

Early on, I told Zuzana about my lifelong fantasy to have a threesome with two women. At first, she was not sure she could deal with it. I let it be and said nothing more. Days later, she told me that she would try it. Instantly, I felt closer to her than to any woman before. In most cases, when a woman agrees to this, she may not actually need to go through with it. It is not easy to orchestrate such a thing (to find the other woman), and most couples never fulfill the fantasy. Yet, by even giving your partner this possibility, you give him or her such a wonderful gift.

In our case, I did have a friend who was open to exploring this (another wonderful story for another time). So, I introduced the women, they became friends, and we eventually met. What we discovered in this celebration of openness, honesty, and sexual freedom, is that jealousy is not that big of a deal in the act of sexual bliss between true friends. To be perfectly blunt: we found out that if nobody was left out—as long as she and I were able to both experience sexual enjoyment together—jealousy was drown out by the sexual bliss and friendship. It would have been far more difficult if I had gone off on my own with someone and she was left out.

So we found our way of doing non-monogamy, though of course this particular thing wouldn't work for everyone. You and your partner can find our own way of doing this, there's no formula other than unconditional love. The details can be worked out.

Unexpectedly, after this unbelievable dream come true, I found that my need to go off on my own with other women begin to fade. While I continue to stay in touch with others, and even meet new women, since then I've found that none of them were willing to accept me, to love me unconditionally, to be open to anything about me in the way Zuzana is…and so there has been a natural gravity that has always effortlessly pulled me back to her. By accepting me completely, by allowing me everything, by holding my hand through my wildest fantasies, eventually I had no needs that fell outside of our relationship and we naturally and effortlessly started a wonderful life together.

Of course I offer her the same freedom to be with other men. There is no allure of forbidden fruit for either of us because nothing is forbidden. By making nothing off-limits, we can look clearly upon the truth of other people, other relationships, and we both know that the grass cannot be greener than it is here. We are not more attracted to anyone else. There is nobody out there who can fulfil any of our unfulfilled needs (there are none), and so even though we have an open relationship, neither of us goes off on our own to be with anyone else. This is not a rule or expectation; rather, our own, individual choice. If there ever becomes a need, then this is alright too, and we will work through any difficult emotions. 

Since that first polyamorous experience, we have enjoyed other relationships and threesomes with more women. But, for the most part, we live like any married couple (though we will never get married because marriage violates our values). We love our young son and my daughter unconditionally, we thrive in business together, we run an orderly and peaceful household, we pursue our hobbies and passions freely—but at the same time we remain best friends who talk about everything openly and, most importantly, treat each other with the kindest, purest love and respect.

Love and respect is not something that can be demanded from a partner. But if you offer it, along with unconditional love, along with the possibility of perfect honesty without punishment or shame, I assure you that you will receive what you give. Yours will be the sweetest, most loving relationship—a holy relationship—within which everything is natural and everything is sacred. You can have it all, but only by giving all and sacrificing nothing.

Happy birthday, Zuzana, my perfect and eternal love. Thank you for loving me as I am, and for never wanting to restrit my freedom to tell the world our perfect story. You made it possible for me to be me, for my life to be filled with joy, for me to truly love, and you know I am yours forever. I accept you unconditionally, I celebrate your happiness just as you do mine, and I would change absolutely nothing about you or us. Thank you for joining me in this unbelievable bliss that is our relationship.

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Posted by Abscondo

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See the present moment with love

Love cannot exist anywhere in my life if I do not love the present moment—this ongoing, uninterrupted, eternal holy instant.

If I am here but want to be there, or if I am longing for the past or hoping for the future, I am withdrawing my attention from the field where all of life exists—the only place it ever has been or ever will be.

Right now, so many people are suffering because of a thought system that is having them resist or reject life now. Because the current state of the world is deemed less than ideal, they are withdrawing into the dream of a better future. I assure you it does not exist.

What does exist is now. How can you love yourself now, then extend that love to everything and everyone in your field of awareness? Do you not feel yourself awakening? Stay there. Keep going. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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Posted by Abscondo

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About the song "Light" by Abscondo

Too often, people look to relationships and marriage expecting someone else to make them happy. When two people do this together, the absurdity of the situation is quite evident. Here you have two individuals who have not yet discovered the inner source of joy, the escape from ego as the one and only way to end suffering, who are both looking to get from the other what they do not possess.

This type of relationship usually doesn't last. By relying upon anyone else as your source of happiness, your expectations are impossible to meet and you end up blaming the other person when you fail to get that impossible thing you expected. Eventually, the relationship is filled with bitterness and resentment. 

Yes, a new relationship is very exciting. You can forget your problems for a while, you can explore that new relationship energy, you can open your heart and mind...for a time, you do become happy. But it is not the object of your affection that brings you feelings of loving bliss; rather, your decision to give and receive love.

If two lovers learn to live in the state where love flourishes, then that blissful feeling will never fade. Love flows from within, and a perfect relationship is one where the source of love is known and it is never restricted.  

As the song declares, "baby doesn't need a ring...that ain't the solution to her suffering...gotta turn her light on." This is a fun, playful, 2-chord song with really no structure (I'm not even sure what the chords are!). Like "Now (Out Here Alone)", it came out in one take and I didn't change it. Enjoy!

"Light" by Abscondo

Life light Cover

Lyrics:

Baby doesn’t need a ring
That’s not the solution to her suffering
Gotta turn her light on
Gonna turn her light on
Where she goes, I go
Where we go, I know
That everything we do and everything we say
Are of the purest intentions
And what we don’t even mention
Is what we need to do
And what we need to be
I won’t do that to you
Please don’t do that to me
Because we already are everything

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"I (Pieces)" (about the new song on my forthcoming Life Light album)

They say that we are one, that there is no real separation between you and me. This realization is particularly obvious when we consider our relationships. Do they not shape us and make us who we are? Are we not eternally connected with the ones we've loved; bonded by memories of the heart and the mind?

This is the concept behind the deeply personal song called "I (Pieces)". We are pieces of the same soul because, on the level of the soul, we are all the same...sharing the same needs, wants, desires and feelings. This is particularly true when it comes to family, to love relationships, or to deep friendships.

It is for this simple reason that I see no reason anyone needs to break off any connection with anyone. Healing begins when we honor what is real between us, regardless of current circumstances, changes in relationships, living circumstances, etc. Honor what is real, which can only be the love because only love can be real.

This is a three chord song that made me cry the first time I played it. It had the same effect on others who are close to me. I hope you can replace the names in this song with some of the names of people who mean so much to you. Listen here.

"I (Pieces)" by Abscondo

Life light Cover

The album has been submitted for distribution and should be available everywhere in the next week or two.

Lyrics:
Eva, you sent me out into the cold
Now how far did you go?
And did you get there without me?
Zuzana, you picked me up when I was low
And now I know
We’re just perfect together
Klara, each week you come by
With that look in your eyes
Looking for pleasure
Sarah, I know that you will write
About this wonderful life
I couldn’t be me without you
We’re pieces, pieces of the same soul
And I wouldn’t know
Who I am without you
Brother, now we’re getting old
When my story’s been told
I couldn’t tell it without you
Mother, I know you’re in pain
Still you only gave
Such comfort and shelter
Father, you worked most your life away
Which tells much more than you say
Wouldn’t be a man without you.
Grandma, grandpa you taught me to play
To dream my whole life away
Through your stories and laughter
Pieces, pieces of the same soul
And I wouldn’t know
Who I am without you
Brian, just last week I was told
How you died in the snow
But still you’re here with me
Anna, you’ve always been so alone
Still you are known
I hope one day you can trust me

 

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Nothing is going to change until hearts are changed

Only love has the power to change hearts. Only changed hearts have the power to change minds. Only through this inner transformation can the good prevail.

It goes almost without saying that violence and aggression is entirely counterproductive. How foolish it would be, for example, if a population of people who are too often viewed as angry and violent would resort to anger and violence as a response to this very perception. Is police brutality not caused by this very perception? Would making this perception look real not undo all the historic gains in civil rights and ensure that racism and discrimination thrives?

Protests are also counterproductive because they don’t change hearts. They are aggressive, loud, standoffish, and they are set up as a confrontation of “us against them”. Now those who are attempting peaceful protest are vulnerable to the aggression of the oppressor, they get drawn into the violence, respond with more anger and violence, and come away badly defeated.

This approach hasn’t worked—obviously not, simply look at the state of the world. If it had ever worked, we would not be in this sorry state. Why doesn’t any of this work? Because all of this is only the response of ego. Ego fighting more ego. The cycle continues, the wars rage on, nobody is ever right, nobody ever wins, just escalating pain, anger, violence, and fear.

There is only one revolution and it is the consciousness revolution. It is the alignment with unconditional love, total forgiveness always, and the complete withdrawal of our attention from all the fear-based fiction of the world. None of it has any real power. What is real is consciousness, life itself, and in this recognition, we rise above all sin and error to align with our true, divine selves.

Love is the only solution to every problem. Those who have forgotten what perfect love is—those who act from any negative emotion—are experiencing hell on earth and they ultimately may not survive these apparent end times. The meek shall inherit the earth. 

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Abscondo Podcast #87: How to end racism, police brutality and oppression

Here's a controversial and unorthodox solution to solve the problem rather than continually escalating it with more attack and counterattack.

You can also find the Abscondo Podcast wherever you normally listen to or download podcasts.

Posted by Abscondo

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While it may be dramatic and interesting, fighting fire with fire is no solution at all.

"Your function in this world is healing, and your function in heaven is creating." -A Course in Miracles

A Course in Miracles teaches that there are no exceptions to the message because the lack of exceptions is the message. The one, real, required course comes in many variations and combinations of words, traditions, and faiths; yet there is only one truth. How might the true perspective be applied to the current situation of police brutality, angry protests, riots, looting and worse?

All attack is of the ego. Therefore, there is no truth, legitimacy, or morality within it. It is a tragically misguided solution that will never change anything and will never communicate anything real. Pain and the anger as a response to injustice is perfectly understandable. Attack would appear to be justified under the logic of an eye for an eye—but all attack is error because there is no true power within it. It can lead to no real solution; rather, only more anger and counterattack.

The only solution to any problem is the loving response. Those who are angry at government officials should calmly, lovingly walk into police stations, courthouses, schools, and all the supposedly untouchable places of false power and simply talk to so-called authority. No shouting, no demanding, no violence. We can come together, simply walk through the door and ask for a meeting, a conversation. If refused, we can wait outside patiently, smiling. No chanting, no slogans, only good people waiting to have a loving conversation with brothers and sisters who have erred.

If a police officer commits an act of violence, or even of murder, the entire community might come knocking at his door to talk calmly. They should find him at work, in his car, or at the grocery store, and reach out to heal a brother who is ill and in need of love. Forgiveness followed by loving outreach to all those who have erred would heal the world and teach authority how we wish to be governed. By merely dropping ego, society would instantly change and would become a heaven on earth.

“The ego teaches that your function in this world is destruction, and that you have no function at all in heaven.”

The egoic response to ego is a tragic error.

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Posted by Abscondo

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You cannot love an ego, nor love from the ego

Minds cannot feel and minds cannot experience love. A person who is not in love is a person who is dominated by the mind. Love is only experienced from the heart, not from the mind.

The ego, utterly incapable of love, is perfectly capable of finding reasons not to love. Rather than seeking blissful union, what the ego does instead is to reject, judge, and attack the other—always pushing real love away only to fantasize about it in the future.

Simply observe the severity of this delusion honestly and you instantly undo the ego’s grip on you. If you are stuck and confused about the most important aspects of life, it is only because of the ego. What most people don’t know is that the ego can be completely undone.

Just as a spiritually unconscious person cannot experience love, it is also very difficult for others to fall in love with them. Why? Falling in love is a union of two hearts, two souls. This requires an open mind and an open heart. A mind-dominated person is closed and never allows the language of the heart to enter into the relationship. Here there can be no spiritual “soulmate” connection because the mind blocks all possibility.

The mind cannot love a heart and a heart cannot love a mind. Love is heart-to-heart. If you want love, you must destroy the ego.

Love is what happens when two people live from the heart and learn to perceive each other on this level. Love is a decision of the heart, and decisions of the heart are never confused; rather, they are final, eternal, and unconditional. That’s what love is.


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The ego wants to want more than it wants to have. (Eckhart Tolle)

The reason that the ego wants to want is that it cannot be happy. Why not? Because the mind cannot feel, only think. To realize and accept this would be to look at the ego honestly. If you do that, you will no longer want this parasite and you will leave it behind.

Like any creature, however, the ego does not want to die. Therefore, it must trick you into tolerating it by convincing you to seek happiness in the future. The voice in the head tells you that salvation is found in the future—after you achieve this, have that, if you are with a specific person, or if you have a particular experience. But if you actually do achieve or experience what the ego seeks, your happiness will not last for more than a moment and you will be left still wanting and chasing the next illusion.

Thoughts regularly cause us suffering, but joy is never found in thoughts. Joy, rather, is the natural experience of life when thoughts subside for a moment or when thoughts are aligned with the reality of life.

Thoughts directed at present moment awareness bring you an appreciation of beauty and a feeling of alertness and vibrance. The joy you experience here comes not from the thoughts; rather, from the experience of true reality beyond them.

Loving thoughts also bring joy because they are aligned with the source of joy and no longer block it. Honest thinking and expressing, unconditional acceptance of what is, thoughts of openness, creative thoughts, pursuit of creative endeavors—this is correct mind activity because your attention is placed upon the source of joy.

You will never “figure things out” in the mind; but if you can align the mind with divine truth, then there will be nothing to figure out or to want because joy is yours eternally.

564

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