Some people expect others to understand them even without directly communicating what they are trying to say. They use gestures and facial expressions instead of words. They verbally attack verbally, or withhold response, cut communication, withhold intimacy, or pout—expecting others to wonder why, to care, and to guess correctly about the message being sent and responding accordingly.

Childish communication communicates nothing at all. If you want to be understood, say it. Explain how you feel. Reveal your true self through your deepest honesty. If your tone is sensitive and loving, others will respond with more patience, love, and understanding. Direct communication isn’t going to hurt!

Of course, those who avoid direct communication are not really trying to be understood. They are resisting true human connection for the purpose of protecting the ego.

Thankfully, there is a new kind of human being emerging. Through directness, openness, and a total commitment to honesty, we so easily live our truth—replacing confusion with perfect knowledge, isolation with union, fear with love, lack with abundance.

This is only possible after a decision to shatter the ego, to transcend it, to laugh at its destruction and place all faith in what is real, true, and honest.

The ego builds itself up through the victim identity. According to the ego, the problem is always someone else—external circumstances. Nothing can be done about it. You are helpless. To question is way of thinking is easily dismissed as “blaming the victim.”

In this egoic world, friendship is often based on the goal of building up the victim identity. We complain. We rush to friends to share bad news. We look for sympathy...confirmation that, yes, we are indeed victims. It’s no fair and it’s all someone else’s fault. Friendship requires that we agree and never offer any insight into the situation. The world's version of friendship is devoid of love and cruel because it perpetuates a cycle of suffering.

The truth is that, in any situation, all that matters is internal—within our control. What we choose. How we react. How we learn and grow. How we forgive. How we bring light and love into the situation. That’s all we have control over.

Rather than playing the victim, we can choose to have an honest, heartfelt conversation. We can take responsibility for not bringing enough value to others in a situation. We can look at our errors—our poor choices or self-centered behavior. We can stop trying to use others for self-gratification. We can look inward, ask real questions, and correct ourselves. We can humble ourselves and take responsibility.

As I explain in the free eBook “The Switch”, all suffering and crisis is a result of dishonesty—a not wanting to openly speak or know the truth about things. To the extent that we are dishonest with ourselves and others, we suffer. If the situation is not corrected, there is an outcome that we call a crisis. It’s a law of reality.

In any situation, there is a truth. A reality. You are part of that reality—merged with it. How can any truth about any situation make you a victim? Truth can only destroy that which is false—and only ego is home of falseness. Ego only confuses us about reality.

Let ego go and watch your problems dissolve. See how you will never be a victim again. You will never complain. You will only look at and deal with reality, which is always joyful, loving, and absent of fear.

Imagine going through life in such a way that you are never exactly honest about anything. In everything you do and say, the question is never about what's true; rather, about what you are supposed to say, how you are supposed to feel, and what you are supposed to want (all according to the opinions and expectations of others).

The underlying principle here is this: I'm faking, I'm hiding, I'm lying about everything, and I expect everyone else to do the same. We all know what is going on here, but by calling it "normal" and pretending there is no alternative to a life of faking, we go on.

As we do go on faking, we accumulate such a heavy and impossible burden; to the extent that we bury ourselves and forget entirely who we are.

I am telling you that another life is possible: your life, staring you, with truth and honesty as your guide. Yes, you can be honest with everyone, even in business, even in romance, even with your family. As you do, a miracle happens: all that you do not want disappears, and each breath of your life is filled with everything you've always wanted.

To understand this fully and have enough faith that what's real is reality is to awaken to a new life. 

One of Don Miguel Ruiz’ 4 Agreements for life is this: don’t take anything personally. After applying this principal to my life, I found out that other people’s thoughts or opinions have nothing to do with me and, therefore, no longer touch me in any real way.

Even if there is an opinion or judgment directed straight at me, I only consider it valid if I agree that it is true. If it is true, then what is there to get upset about? I can be honest and deal with it. If it is untrue, then there is also nothing to get upset about because I cannot be diminished by a perception that isn’t true.

Furthermore, I don’t need anyone’s blessing to state my truth, to experience my life the way that I do, to choose my own  preferences, tastes, or anything else. I do not require anyone to understand what it feels like to carry the burdens of a middle-aged white man, nor do I need them to agree with my politics, choice of profession, spirituality or anything else.

Nobody holds me back from being me, and the same is true for each of us. The Tao Te Ching says, “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” (verse 9)

If something that someone else says or does bothers you, then perhaps the real problem is that it bothers you. The solution is not found in the fight to change everyone else; rather, to go within, discover the true self, learn self-love, and embody all truth and freedom without asking anyone’s permission.

Though it is taught using many different words and concepts, there is only one way to end fear and negativity. Only one way to align all thought and behavior with the positive. Only one way to manifest lasting joy, abundance, bliss, peace, and safety. The way is through perfect love combined with perfect truth.

You can experience all your wildest fantasies, live life to the fullest—but only through a total commitment to unconditional love always combined with a decision to always tell the truth, no matter what, and always want the truth, no matter what. To do this is to spiritually awaken and to end the problems of your life and of this world.

Love and truth are never negotiable. Believe otherwise and become lost in the insanity and endless errors of the ego. Love cannot be defined according to your preferences, and nothing can be gained by manipulating or rejecting the truth about anything. All failure, suffering, and crisis are rooted in this error.

A Course in Miracles correctly teaches that “sin is where love is not.” Where there is anything less than perfect honesty and truth, there is no love. Where there is lack of forgiveness or acceptance, there is no love. Where there is an attempt to get rather than to give, there is no love. Where there is attack in any form, there is no love.

Love is the one non-negotiable, the only solution to any challenge and the correct response to any situation. Learn what perfect love is, live it fully, and everything else in life is yours. Just do it; but do it in love. 

Why do we want so badly to change the world? Because we long for paradise, or even just a temporary retreat from the madness. We want the darkness of this world to end so that peace, love, justice, and kindness might reign.

But can we really ask more of the world than what it is? I don’t think so. From my perspective, the world is not dark. It is filled with so much beauty and perfection that it cannot be fully experienced in 1,000 lifetimes. There is so much light, so much color, so much warmth, mostly balance, the right amount of excitement, and pervasive beauty available to all the senses. It is all here, surrounding us right now. Even human beings, if looked upon in this light, are the most magnificent creation of all.

Where anything is wrong, it is that we have retreated from the natural state of beauty into the darkness of our own minds. We have assumed our own fictitious stories and identities, and have withdrawn into our own darkness. Yes, we have been conditioned unjustly and led astray; but this tragic outcome is nothing more than an individual choice for each of us.

Why do we claim to want light when we have sought only darkness and have cared only about the darkness? The end of this tragic error starts now.

What I call the light is life, which is experienced as the energy of love. Its energy pervades the world and it is what we are. We are innocent, the doors of this so-called prison are wide open, and we need only take a single step toward the light. See only the light within and without—be only that, ignoring all else because nothing else has any reality.

I think I've reached a point, for what it's worth...
No longer fueled by wild dreams
Forbidden passions
Nothing more to want or to imagine different from this
Right here
Right now

It's not that I'm resolved, self-limited, or have given up
It's just, I think I've reached a point
For what it's worth...

That I've lived all those dreams
Felt all those passions
Tried to change the world
Lived around it
Fought hopeless battles
Done everything that every ego does
Then found self-love
For what it's worth...

Now I have no wild dreams
No forbidden passions
No guilt or shame
But greet everything that happens
Without any judgement of good or bad 
As reality unfolding

To light it up with perfect love
Always honest
Without fear
No desire for the present moment
To be any different
From how it is

To have lost myself
To find who I really am
I think I've reached that point
For what it's worth...

That I can barely remember
All the reasons why
In this world
I do not fit

The dimension of calm joy
Is where I now live

It is always difficult to see in advance, but looking back, I see it clearly. Everything that happened in my life which first appeared as disaster was, in reality, good.

Things happen in life which seem dreadful at first. Obvious failures. Embarrassments. Financial struggles. Losing a job or customer. Getting sick. Breakups. Divorce. Losing access to a child. Even more dreadful things, or so it would seem.

The ego always tries to understand, to control, to analyze, to solve, to avoid, to figure out. The ego’s goal is to extend your past sense of identity to the future—to ensure that you remain comfortable in thought-continuity and that nothing changes. When something happens in the present to threaten this objective, the ego panics. You become fearful and feel hopeless.

But faced with any reality, you eventually adapt. You face it. You accept it. You move on from your new, changed position. Better yet, you bring unconditional love, acceptance, forgiveness, and present moment awareness to the challenge. You trust in reality—allowing it to be as it is.

Then, one day long after the required changes have occurred, you remember the old situation in relation to your current state. You realize the changes were necessary and good. Everyone and everything is better now.

Good always prevails because reality is good. What we experience as suffering or crisis is only truth emerging from what was previously false. We can learn to observe the mind. Smile at our thoughts even in the face of disaster, knowing the deeper truth—which can never be understood in advance.

This is probably my most popular talk. Worth re-posting.