Even years after I thought that I had let go of all that is unreal in my life, the truth is that I continued to honor and carry so many beliefs, assumptions, and obligations. We are all conditioned to take on layers of false beliefs. When we do, we carry it around that the weight can become so heavy.
The weight of my false load translated into financial stress. The need to make high child support payments, to rent an office, and to rent a nice apartment in a beautiful part of a city. This meant that, as soon as I got paid every month, most of the money left my account. I had only enough left for groceries and camping. Yet, even when traveling with my family in the camper, I felt the weight of what I was paying for back in the city and not using. If there were any unexpected expenses, I would exhaust my savings (and there weren't much in the way of savings to begin with).
As a father and loving partner, financial stress and uncertainty is the most difficult part of life. I knew that, if I lost my job for example, I would no longer be able to support that situation. Everything would fall apart.
Fear remained real for me in the form of financial worries. When fear is made real, love cannot exist. In the state of salvation, spiritual awakening, presence, being, fear cannot exist. But were my fears baseless? Imagined?
The truth is that, where there is fear (or any type of negative emotion), reality is telling you that there is a problem that needs to be solved. In my case, I earn far more than enough income to live comfortably, yet because of the false expectations, I was spending too much. I wasn't saving. At age 48, I also had no plan for where I would live a decade or two from now. Nothing was right and something drastic had to be done.
For as long as I had been with my wife, Zuzana, her father always told me that we can live upstairs in their village house. He said it hundreds of times, but I was too proud to listen. The place is only 15 minutes outside the city of Kosice (where I had lived for 18 years). While the house is old and the upstairs needed a lot of work to make it livable, the truth is that her parents do have enough space. There is even a new preschool and elementary school just down the street. We both work at home anyway, so no issue there. Plus, we already park the camper at the house (traveling will be easier). Was what I had always thought of as our worst-case scenario actually the right move and best option?
After deep soul-searching and conversations, on November 1st we announced that we would be letting the apartment go, as well as the office space, and we would be withdrawing our son from his private preschool to enroll him in the free preschool in the village. Over the next few weeks, we spent the equivalent of 1 month's rent to buy new doors, paint the place, and carpet the entire space as we slepped outside in the camper.
Now, for the past month, we've been living upstairs in the village house. Our son is enjoying the new school. My daughter visited for Christmas. To her pleasant surprise, I even made the rec room into a full-blown jam room where we played music together for hours (not something we could do in the previous apartment).
Now we're saving thousands per month. No driving around town every day. We have more time, money for skiing, waterparks, and travel when there is a need. There is a nice hiking / biking trail here to escape to nature. Everything is fine. All that was false in our life has been released. My wife even has a parcel of land in the village and we plan to slowly build a house here with the money that we are saving.
Life is never easy. There are always challenges, especially as it relates to our relationships with other imperfect people. In our case, we share a kitchen with my wife's parents. Of course there are the sort of games that any ego plays, but we see it for what it is. We forgive any errors, we do our best, and the love in our family remains as strong as ever.
Now I look forward to the dramatic world events that are about to come to light, the new financial system and advanced technologies that have been kept from us. I look forward to the financial abundance so many of us will enjoy with the confiscated wealth. I don't know what the future brings or exactly when these changes will come, but our present moment is aligned. We are living in truth, in full acceptance of the situation, sleeping well, having fun, feeling good.
Let's stop being afraid to truly let go of anything we are carrying which is unreal or unnecessary. Reality will adjust and the fear will be gone. Everything will be fine. Make changes. Go forward in faith.