The ego builds itself up through the victim identity. According to the ego, the problem is always someone else—external circumstances. Nothing can be done about it. You are helpless. To question is way of thinking is easily dismissed as “blaming the victim.”

In this egoic world, friendship is often based on the goal of building up the victim identity. We complain. We rush to friends to share bad news. We look for sympathy...confirmation that, yes, we are indeed victims. It’s no fair and it’s all someone else’s fault. Friendship requires that we agree and never offer any insight into the situation. The world's version of friendship is devoid of love and cruel because it perpetuates a cycle of suffering.

The truth is that, in any situation, all that matters is internal—within our control. What we choose. How we react. How we learn and grow. How we forgive. How we bring light and love into the situation. That’s all we have control over.

Rather than playing the victim, we can choose to have an honest, heartfelt conversation. We can take responsibility for not bringing enough value to others in a situation. We can look at our errors—our poor choices or self-centered behavior. We can stop trying to use others for self-gratification. We can look inward, ask real questions, and correct ourselves. We can humble ourselves and take responsibility.

As I explain in the free eBook “The Switch”, all suffering and crisis is a result of dishonesty—a not wanting to openly speak or know the truth about things. To the extent that we are dishonest with ourselves and others, we suffer. If the situation is not corrected, there is an outcome that we call a crisis. It’s a law of reality.

In any situation, there is a truth. A reality. You are part of that reality—merged with it. How can any truth about any situation make you a victim? Truth can only destroy that which is false—and only ego is home of falseness. Ego only confuses us about reality.

Let ego go and watch your problems dissolve. See how you will never be a victim again. You will never complain. You will only look at and deal with reality, which is always joyful, loving, and absent of fear.