I am nothing
Can you love people and lead them without imposing your will? (Tao Te Ching)

You cannot communicate by not communicating

Because of pride, sometimes we choose not to say what we really mean or feel. Instead, we may try to use body language, passive-aggressive silence, or even attack to communicate what we mean to say without saying it—and then we expect the message to be received and somehow understood.

In truth, nothing can be understood unless it is well-communicated. If you love someone, say it. If someone says or does something that hurts you, tell the person how you feel. If you are afraid to lose someone, be honest. If you feel lonely even while in a relationship, find a way to gently say it. If there is something you really want to do with another person, simply express the need.

Any level of understanding in human relationships is difficult enough to achieve even when we are being completely open, honest and accepting. But withhold honesty, keep things inside, or let another person’s behavior silently eat away at you and the relationship begins to feel unbearable. Resentment begins and now everything is a problem. Then, from this place of frustration and suffering, what ends up happening is that your behavior starts to appear crazy to the other person because they have no idea what’s going on.

Trying to communicate by not communicating doesn’t work. It is only pride, which is a pillar of the ego, that would have you attempt such insanity. True communication requires vulnerability. If there is a problem in any relationship, simply be honest about your inner world. Say what you mean. Encourage the other person to do the same. Now you are communicating, and any problem is easily overcome.

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If you would like my perspective on any situation or issue you may be dealing with, write to me at mark.manney@abscondo.com.

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