The urge to have sex is the divine call for life to push forward, to continue to create. In its purest form, sex is perfect union enjoyed with someone who you want to share the most fun, beauty, and pleasure. Two become one in blissful surrender, if only for a time. Even beyond the fleeting moments, great sex can be a seed from which the most beautiful relationships and eternal friendships blossom.

Obviously, sex need not be only for the purpose of procreation, but at least the theoretical possibility of a sexual act leading to new life must be accepted on some level. In this way, it is a surrendering to fate, to God’s will—a decision to open yourself to a person and accept whatever may come.

Each of us must confront our sexuality and the sexuality of others in our lives, there is no other way. The question is, what makes sex right or wrong, a sin or a virtue, beneficial or harmful? A Course in Miracles provides a clear answer in the statement “Sin is where love is not.” In other words, if a sexual relationship is purely loving, there is nothing inherently wrong with sex.

What is meant by “loving sex”? Being loving means being open, honest, accepting, giving, forgiving, kind, and caring. Treat people well. Be honest and want only the truth. Do not use sex to manipulate, to test, to shame or to hold guilty.

The ego, on the other hand, attempts to distort the truth about sex and uses it as its tool, a weapon of manipulation. A person in the grip of ego collects lovers to boost pride and threatens lovers who have needs outside of the relationship (which would hurt the ego’s pride). Such a person seduces with lies and false promises, and cheats and lies about sex all the time.

The ego’s idea of sex—complete with its restrictive rules, judgments, and punishments—is perverted and destructive. The ego values sex above love. It uses people, breaks hearts, ends relationships, and destroys families—only in an absurd attempt to protect its pride, to control, to get, to possess. Egoic sex is thrilling while it lasts, and then becomes very ugly and disgusting.  

Egoless sex is completely different. You can have all kinds of fun, live your wildest fantasies, and you can allow others to have fun and do the same—only without the drama, pain, and destruction. Only through unconditional love can we experience sexual healing and fulfillment, but none of this is understandable as long as you decide for ego over love.