Sex is divine. Most people feel an irresistible urge for perfect sex. When we get sex right, nothing in life is more enjoyable. But such great power must be approached with respect and handled with wisdom. Otherwise, sex has the power to destroy.

When the following 3 conditions are met in your sexual relationships, then nobody gets hurt, no damage is done, and the relationship is as healthy and beneficial as it is enjoyable. Sex is good, right, and healthy when:

There is open and honest communication:

Too often, seduction involves deception. Maybe there is an implicit promise of forever—or at least of an ongoing monogamous relationship—when that is not the real intention of one or both parties. Others settle for a less than perfect sex life because they are afraid to talk about their likes, dislikes, or expectations in an attempt to please a partner.

The simple rule here is: whatever is on your mind, whatever you want, whatever you feel, you both need to share it. Open and honest communication requires a relationship based upon patience and acceptance—involving no judgement or attack. If you miss the mark of perfect honesty or perfect acceptance of the other person’s honesty, you can apologize, talk about the error, and try again.

It is important to mention that the openness and honestly does not only extent to the two people in the sexual relationship. Honesty also must extend to anyone else in your lives who may be legitimately impacted. Non-monogamy can work, but only if there is perfect honesty and openness in all your intimate relationships.  

There is compatibility:

If there is no physical attraction both ways—no genuine excitement or mild obsession when you think about or look at a person—there is no point to forming a sexual relationship at all. Furthermore, your likes and preferences should be compatible in bed and even with respect to your life situation. If there is no fit, accept the situation, move on, and allow the relationship to be whatever it is (or is not).

The relationship is loving:

Your job is not to judge whether the other person is loving; rather, for you to be loving in everything you feel, say, and do. We are talking about your relationship with a person who is willing to share everything with you, to bare themselves completely, to experience the ultimate vulnerability that can be shared between two people. Whether or not you both intend to stay together forever, such a relationship must be approached with the thought system and value system of love.

Perhaps no word is more misunderstood in this world than “love”. Perfect love is not something you get from another person. It is found within as you learn to love yourself. As you begin to discover love’s forgiveness, acceptance, patience, peace, and bliss, you are naturally more capable of extending it to others. As you do, you find that your relationships are wonderful, and nobody gets hurt.

Perfect love unlocks the other two elements. Without love, perfect honesty is impossible because it is often nasty. No one wants your judgements, manipulations, or attacks. Without love, there can also be no compatibility because you are not offering anything desirable.

When we stray from these three perfect conditions, the sex isn’t as good and there are negative consequences that are more severe than any pleasure we get from the sex. But if you can truly put these principles into practice, and even gently show your partners how to do the same, you can enjoy an ongoing sex life that is better than your wildest fantasies.

Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.