The confused are all those who do not want to know the truth
There is no middle ground in any aspect of salvation. You accept it wholly or accept it not. (A Course in Miracles)

What should I do about cheating and my feelings of jealousy?

No matter what is going on in the world, the most popular topic on this blog is sex. While I have written proportionately little about sex, the topic of sex is what people are searching for. When people contact me, it is usually with questions about their romantic relationship and, more specifically, about jealousy and sex.

My position on jealousy, cheating, monogamy and sex is always the same, without exception, and it is completely clear. It is a position that is in full alignment with all the spiritual lessons being taught here—including lessons of acceptance, openness, wanting only truth, and enjoying life.

There are no exceptions to unconditional love. As A Course in Miracles states, “There are no exceptions to the lesson, because the lack of exceptions is the lesson.” Can a love relationship be perfect, complete, and unconditional if there are conditions placed upon it? No.

People ask, “what about in the case of cheating?” To that, I answer: if there has been cheating, then there must have been an arrangement where the total truth, full openness, and acceptance of each other has been made impossible. This undoing of love is typically done through rules. Rules are typically backed by threats.

In a normal relationship based upon rules and expectations, the feeling of closeness is impossible because a part of you is rejected. Now the feeling of love is eroded, resentment ensues, a strong need for unconditional love remains. So the desire to cheat becomes very real. Even when there is no cheating, to impose a boundary on a partner means that you can no longer be sure what your partner is thinking, wanting, feeling, or doing. This hurts.

A holy relationship is between two spiritually awakened individuals united by unconditional love. Here there are no rules. In love, all feelings can be accepted and shared openly. All challenges can be solved. All needs can be met. No demands are ever placed upon the other. Nothing needs to be hidden, and you can both be free.

“What about sex with other people?” If your partner has a real need, and you claim to love this person, you must love the whole person. This must go both ways. What you may find is that, in a holy relationship, the burning need for someone new is greatly diminished. No other person can provide what you already have. If there is still some need remaining, some strong curiosity or passion for something, then it can be approached in the spirit of fun—because you both know that your love is eternal and no other person is going to threaten your perfect relationship.

This is not how the world does relationships. This is why the vast majority of relationships in the world are miserable, why people lie and cheat, and why parents separate. The approach I am describing is not a matter of opinion. I am describing the unchangeable reality of romantic relationships and marriages. You can ignore it, but the result will be suffering and crisis. The purpose of all the pain we go through in relationships is to teach us the lesson about this unchangeable truth.

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Posted by Abscondo

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