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December 2020

To give is to share or to create; not to sacrifice

The concept of giving and charity is a common cornerstone of Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and all true spiritual faiths. Perhaps no concept is more misunderstood in the secular world, where the logic goes something like this: “if I give, then I lose and the other wins”.

Seen from this perspective, secular logic would have us focus on getting or receiving rather than giving. Life is seen as a zero-sum game of winners and losers. By this narrow, limited understanding of what "giving" means, charity and generosity is apparently for losers.

The best form of giving offers value to the other without personal sacrifice. When you create something beautiful, useful, or valuable, you are giving. In many cases, you receive a reward that is equal to the value of what you have given.

When you share, it is done from a place of inspiration. You can share ideas, music, a ride, or a meal without any sacrifice because you are enjoying the experience as much as the recipient.

Or you can start a project or business with someone—giving you both opportunities for abundance. Maybe you can hire someone to do a job that needs to be done.

Giving and receiving is best understood as a positive feedback loop between two willing parties. Never give from a place of obligation, guilt, or from a calculation of what you will get in return. Giving should be a positive act of free will that flows from the inspiration of being alive.

Charity does not require you to give what you do not have or to give in a way that you lose. Those who convince you to give in this way are exploiting you. There are countless other ways to give—not within the framework of the zero-sum game; rather, as an act of unlimited value creation.

Value flows from you—from your limitless energy, brilliance, creativity, kindness, and everything else you have to offer. You access this positive dimension of yourself by learning to love yourself. Learn about and adopt the thought system of love. Then extending it. Now you can give as life, itself, gives—as the source, which is never diminished even through limitless expansion.


There is no middle ground in any aspect of salvation. You accept it wholly or accept it not. (A Course in Miracles)

For this statement to make sense, it is necessary to consider what salvation is. What are we being saved from? In a word: ego.

Ego is belief in separation—that we are separate from God, separate from our brothers and sisters, and that our strength and happiness depend upon maintaining our separateness.

To achieve the ongoing reality of separation is impossible. We are not separate from the universe, nor from life, nor from all of reality. To believe so is to feel vulnerable and afraid. Afraid of attack, afraid of illness, afraid of poverty, afraid of death and more. This way of thinking leads to insane behaviors such as lying and manipulating others. Ego causes many to blindly trust institutions as a source of safety while remaining suspicious of their brothers and sisters.

Salvation is the undoing of your belief in separation and the humbling of yourself to reality. It is knowing that you are not your body and mind; rather, the observer. Consciousness. Love. Awareness, itself. This is your identity and it is beyond threat.

Now you recognize that what is real about all your brothers and sisters is also consciousness—this awareness that transcends all the empty space and matter in the universe. Either this is true, or separation is true. It cannot be both and there can be no confusion. When you have made your decision for salvation, then all the ego in the world has no real effect on you.

One path leads to peace, love, the recognition of beauty, creativity, abundance, and eternal life without fear. The other, to isolation, paralysis, suffering, and death. Love or fear? There is no middle ground here.


What should I do about cheating and my feelings of jealousy?

No matter what is going on in the world, the most popular topic on this blog is sex. While I have written proportionately little about sex, the topic of sex is what people are searching for. When people contact me, it is usually with questions about their romantic relationship and, more specifically, about jealousy and sex.

My position on jealousy, cheating, monogamy and sex is always the same, without exception, and it is completely clear. It is a position that is in full alignment with all the spiritual lessons being taught here—including lessons of acceptance, openness, wanting only truth, and enjoying life.

There are no exceptions to unconditional love. As A Course in Miracles states, “There are no exceptions to the lesson, because the lack of exceptions is the lesson.” Can a love relationship be perfect, complete, and unconditional if there are conditions placed upon it? No.

People ask, “what about in the case of cheating?” To that, I answer: if there has been cheating, then there must have been an arrangement where the total truth, full openness, and acceptance of each other has been made impossible. This undoing of love is typically done through rules. Rules are typically backed by threats.

In a normal relationship based upon rules and expectations, the feeling of closeness is impossible because a part of you is rejected. Now the feeling of love is eroded, resentment ensues, a strong need for unconditional love remains. So the desire to cheat becomes very real. Even when there is no cheating, to impose a boundary on a partner means that you can no longer be sure what your partner is thinking, wanting, feeling, or doing. This hurts.

A holy relationship is between two spiritually awakened individuals united by unconditional love. Here there are no rules. In love, all feelings can be accepted and shared openly. All challenges can be solved. All needs can be met. No demands are ever placed upon the other. Nothing needs to be hidden, and you can both be free.

“What about sex with other people?” If your partner has a real need, and you claim to love this person, you must love the whole person. This must go both ways. What you may find is that, in a holy relationship, the burning need for someone new is greatly diminished. No other person can provide what you already have. If there is still some need remaining, some strong curiosity or passion for something, then it can be approached in the spirit of fun—because you both know that your love is eternal and no other person is going to threaten your perfect relationship.

This is not how the world does relationships. This is why the vast majority of relationships in the world are miserable, why people lie and cheat, and why parents separate. The approach I am describing is not a matter of opinion. I am describing the unchangeable reality of romantic relationships and marriages. You can ignore it, but the result will be suffering and crisis. The purpose of all the pain we go through in relationships is to teach us the lesson about this unchangeable truth.


The confused are all those who do not want to know the truth

There are those who want only nice thoughts and positive information. Others want to trust authority at all costs because it gives them comfort to believe. Others shun spirituality for fear of being an outcast. Most people set rules in relationships, coldly erecting barriers that prevent them from knowing what is really going on in the other person's heart, mind, or life.

Despite all these attempts at crafting a reality according to our liking, reality remains as reality. We are powerless over the truth.

Resisting truth leaves you going through life as if paddling a boat upstream. If you want your life to flow with ease, if you want to feel a sense of power and control, then accept the reality of the river. Join with the flow of the stream. Allow it to be and work with it. 

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What is the world except a little gap perceived to tear eternity apart, and break it into days and months and years? (A Course in Miracles)

“And what are you who live within the world except a picture of the Son of God in broken pieces, each concealed within a separate and uncertain bit of clay?”

What is this life, in relation to infinity and eternity? This gap, this dream, can only be taken so seriously when you forget the larger reality. When you think, think from the perspective of the whole universe.

There are universal laws. Here are two truths:

1) all matter (stuff) is changing and unstable.
2) all non-matter (nothingness or empty space) is eternal, still, beyond threat.

To seek stability, safety, and peace in the material world is impossible. How can stability be the goal in a dimension that is, by design, constantly changing?

When we believe our identity is our body, our mind, our possessions, our life situation, we face an unsolvable existential crisis. The crisis is this: we want to be eternal, safe, and without fear. We want to feel good all the time. We want to experience love, closeness, union. We chase it everywhere in the physical world, but never quite possess any of it because that’s not the source.

The needs that matter are all of the non-material realm. You cannot touch love, happiness, peace, or beauty. It is invisible, yet it is more real than anything real when experienced.

To spiritual awaken is to recognize your identity as consciousness rather than physical form. Now you live in the dimension where everything you need and want is right there—and it is beyond threat. This is the peace of God.


Punishment makes honesty impossible

Imagine a relationship or marriage in which you could be perfectly honest and open about everything. Imagine if your partner, children, family, and friends could do the same with you. I enjoy exactly this kind of relationship with my partner and children. It is bliss. I would describe it as comfort without disruption. No conflict. Closeness. Freedom. Love that never fades.

This type of relationship is only possible through a mutual commitment to unconditional acceptance (unconditional love). There can sometimes be feelings to work through. But there can never be any judging, blaming, shaming, or making anyone wrong. We love one another, so that must mean we love the whole truth about who we are.

Today, the world is devoid of honesty. Not just in relationships and families, but in politics, business—in all institutions and through every aspect of life. Everyone is afraid of being shut down, cut out, shamed, or brutally punished. It is a culture of violence where we are made to feel that something is always wrong with us. We nervously hold our breath as we struggle to hide everything. We hide from society and from each other. We even try to hide our honest thoughts, feelings, and desires from ourselves.

Dishonesty is the sickness which has cast such a dark spell over the world, but it is the effect of punishment. Punishment is the cause. The healing of the world is only possible through honesty and openness. To achieve this, we need to start with the full truth about everything. From that point forward, there can be no punishment but there can also be no secrecy. Criminal behavior, or any form of corruption and secrecy, is never justified and must be corrected through loving intervention rather than punishment.

There are those who lack the light of love and honesty. In the new, awakened world, they can be forcefully rehabilitated through the thought system and energy of love. Love’s healing is inevitable and self-evident because love contains within it everything that each of us want. When the reality of love, honesty, truth, and beauty is experienced—when we are fully accepted and forgiven—then we are reborn. This is salvation, which is only possible when we do away with punishment. Forgiveness.