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June 2020

One of Don Miguel Ruiz’ 4 Agreements for life is this: don’t take anything personally.

After applying this principal to my life, I found out that other people’s thoughts or opinions have nothing to do with me and, therefore, no longer touch me in any real way.

Even if there is an opinion or judgment directed straight at me, I only consider it valid if I agree that it is true. If it is true, then what is there to get upset about? I can be honest and deal with it. If it is untrue, then there is also nothing to get upset about because I cannot be diminished by a perception that isn’t true.

Furthermore, I don’t need anyone’s blessing to state my truth, to experience my life the way that I do, to choose my own sexual or relationship preferences, tastes, or anything else. I do not require anyone to understand what it feels like to carry the burdens of a middle-aged white man, nor do I need them to agree with my politics, choice of profession, spirituality or anything else.

Nobody holds me back from being me, and the same is true for each of us. The Tao Te Ching says, “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” (verse 9) 

If something that someone else says or does bothers you, then perhaps the real problem is that it bothers you. The solution is not found in the fight to change everyone else; rather, to go within, discover the true self, learn self-love, and embody all truth and freedom without asking anyone’s permission.

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Posted by Abscondo

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There is a light this world cannot give, but you can give it. (A Course in Miracles)

Why do we want so badly to change the world? Because we long so badly for paradise, or even just a temporary retreat from the madness. We want the darkness of this world to end so that peace, love, justice, and kindness might reign.

But can we really ask more of the world than what it is? I don’t think so. From my perspective, the world is not dark. It is filled with so much beauty and perfection that it cannot be fully experienced in 1,000 lifetimes. There is so much light, so much color, so much warmth, mostly balance, the right amount of excitement, and pervasive beauty available to all the senses. It is all here, surrounding us right now. Even human beings, if looked upon in this light, are the most magnificent creation of all.

Where anything is wrong, it is that we have retreated from the natural state of beauty into the darkness of our own minds. We have assumed our own fictitious stories and identities, and have withdrawn into our own darkness. Yes, we have been conditioned unjustly and led astray; but this tragic outcome is nothing more than an individual choice for each and every one of us alive.

How is it that we claim to seek light from the world and not see it? Why do we claim to want light when, in truth, we have sought only darkness and have cared only about the darkness? The end of this tragic error starts now.

What I call the light is life, itself, which is experienced as the energy of love. Its energy pervades this world and it is what we are. You are innocent, the doors of this so-called prison are wide open, and you need only take a single step toward the light. See only the light within and without—be only that, ignoring all else because nothing else has any reality. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

577

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Does the perfect relationship exist?

The world has come to accept the idea that a committed relationship or marriage must involve sacrifice, that you can’t have it all, and that there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. They say that, for a relationship to work, both partners need to compromise.

So, we withhold some degree of openness and perfect honesty right from the start. Couples cut themselves off from the world and consciously design a life situation where personal freedom is sacrificed at the altar of a relationship that is supposed to save us. But how can salvation be found in any situation where we can’t be entirely open, honest or free?

We try to become close to one person so that we are no longer lonely, yet we end up suffocating because so much of who we are is no longer accepted and can no longer be expressed. Sex is a huge part of any romantic connection, yet we repress our sexual needs for the supposed purpose of having them met within the relationship. Is it not insane to sacrifice the very thing we are attempting to get and still expect to get it? Thus is the error of all sacrifice.

It is no wonder that relationships in this world are so broken. Marriages fail all the time and in so many ways. Parents and children then endure the nastiness of divorce, broken homes, financial ruin, and ongoing war between people who once promised their undying love and loyalty. Others stay together in a closed state of existence where there is no inspiration, no excitement, no joy—numbing their pain with alcohol, junk food, and junk entertainment which quickens the slide into old age.

The media makes countless jokes about this tragic situation. Everyone has learned to accept it, yet none of this is in any way acceptable or even necessary. If you want endless love, lasting joy, perfect freedom and closeness, then there is an entirely different and superior way to do relationships. I am going to be perfectly, unapologetically honest because this truth cannot be shared by holding anything back.

My partner, Zuzana, and I have been together for roughly 5 years. We never fight, disagree, or argue—not because of willpower, but because there is no need. We are completely open about everything. No topic, no thought, no need—nothing at all is off-limits. We are both entirely free, even as we choose to spend most of our time together. Because of the DNA of our relationship, that feeling of excitement, love, and bliss has continued to increase over the years.

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You might think that this is impossible…that I am exaggerating. Friends think we are projecting a false image, or that we simply got lucky and met the right person. It is true that, yes, we are physically attracted to each other and we do share the same tastes. This is an essential starting point; but this alone would not be enough if we were not “doing the relationship” right.

When we first met, we agreed that we would be perfectly honest and open about everything. Furthermore, we agreed that we would not judge one another. Since we don't feel there is anything wrong with either of us, unconditional acceptance was to be the default. If there were any feelings of possessiveness or jealousy, then this would be dealt with directly and lovingly—but we would not sacrifice honesty at the altar of that jealousy. Furthermore, there were to be no promises about anything, no conditions, no expectations. We were, in a sense, simply best friends who were also very attracted to each other and wanted to hang out. The perfect relationship, the perfect love.

“But,” you may ask, “don’t you draw a line when it comes to sex with other people?” No. If there are limits to unconditional love, then it is not unconditional love. If there are limits to perfect honesty and openness, then it is not honesty and openness. If there are limits to freedom, then it is not freedom.

So began our little experiment. We had no goals, no agenda, and in the beginning we certainly did not intend to live together or to have children. We simply enjoyed our connection while it lasted, yet we both remained open to other people, maintained other relationships, and were perfectly honest about it all. When there was jealousy, we went through it together, reassured each other about our true feelings toward each other, and remained rooted in the truth about our relationship. In the beginning, this was not easy, particularly for her (because of my needs).

Many years before we met, I realized that I am polyamorous. I have always been happiest and feel most natural in a situation where I can be close to, and have sex with, more than one woman in my life. When I have attempted to deny this part of myself, I have suffocated in a relationship, I have lied, and eventually have done worse. By the time I met Zuzana, I knew that I would either need to be in an open relationship or be single. Despite my best intentions, monogamy did not make me a good person and; therefore, was not an option for me (no matter how wonderful or perfect any one woman may be).

If we are being honest with ourselves, most people feel this way deep down. You may not have a need to go out and meet somebody new all the time, but you surely would like the option if there ever is a need. The problem with this, of course, is that if you grant yourself this right, then any fair person must also offer the same to their partner. Thus, we must confront our own sexual jealousy.

Sexual jealousy seems like the scariest thing in the world to deal with. But far worse than any sexual act is deception. Most people equate non-monogamy with cheating, but it is not the same thing. Cheating breaks all trust in a relationship, making forbidden sex with another person seem more important than the relationship. In truth, sex is never is that important. People cheat either because it is so much fun or because they are lacking intimacy and closeness in the relationship. But, to the person being cheated on, confronted with so many lies and so much betrayal, everything breaks. To avoid this sure recipe for crisis, sex must be dealt with, from the very beginning of a relationship, in the light of day.

Early on, I told Zuzana about my lifelong fantasy to have a threesome with two women. At first, she was not sure she could deal with it. I let it be and said nothing more. Days later, she told me that she would try it. Instantly, I felt closer to her than to any woman before. In most cases, when a woman agrees to this, she may not actually need to go through with it. It is not easy to orchestrate such a thing (to find the other woman), and most couples never fulfill the fantasy. Yet, by even giving your partner this possibility, you give him or her such a wonderful gift.

In our case, I did have a friend who was open to exploring this (another wonderful story for another time). So, I introduced the women, they became friends, and we eventually met. What we discovered in this celebration of openness, honesty, and sexual freedom, is that jealousy is not that big of a deal in the act of sexual bliss between true friends. To be perfectly blunt: we found out that if nobody was left out—as long as she and I were able to both experience sexual enjoyment together—jealousy was drown out by the sexual bliss and friendship. It would have been far more difficult if I had gone off on my own with someone and she was left out.

So we found our way of doing non-monogamy, though of course this particular thing wouldn't work for everyone. You and your partner can find our own way of doing this, there's no formula other than unconditional love. The details can be worked out.

Unexpectedly, after this unbelievable dream come true, I found that my need to go off on my own with other women begin to fade. While I continue to stay in touch with others, and even meet new women, since then I've found that none of them were willing to accept me, to love me unconditionally, to be open to anything about me in the way Zuzana is…and so there has been a natural gravity that has always effortlessly pulled me back to her. By accepting me completely, by allowing me everything, by holding my hand through my wildest fantasies, eventually I had no needs that fell outside of our relationship and we naturally and effortlessly started a wonderful life together.

Of course I offer her the same freedom to be with other men. There is no allure of forbidden fruit for either of us because nothing is forbidden. By making nothing off-limits, we can look clearly upon the truth of other people, other relationships, and we both know that the grass cannot be greener than it is here. We are not more attracted to anyone else. There is nobody out there who can fulfil any of our unfulfilled needs (there are none), and so even though we have an open relationship, neither of us goes off on our own to be with anyone else. This is not a rule or expectation; rather, our own, individual choice. If there ever becomes a need, then this is alright too, and we will work through any difficult emotions. 

Since that first polyamorous experience, we have enjoyed other relationships and threesomes with more women. But, for the most part, we live like any married couple (though we will never get married because marriage violates our values). We love our young son and my daughter unconditionally, we thrive in business together, we run an orderly and peaceful household, we pursue our hobbies and passions freely—but at the same time we remain best friends who talk about everything openly and, most importantly, treat each other with the kindest, purest love and respect.

Love and respect is not something that can be demanded from a partner. But if you offer it, along with unconditional love, along with the possibility of perfect honesty without punishment or shame, I assure you that you will receive what you give. Yours will be the sweetest, most loving relationship—a holy relationship—within which everything is natural and everything is sacred. You can have it all, but only by giving all and sacrificing nothing.

Happy birthday, Zuzana, my perfect and eternal love. Thank you for loving me as I am, and for never wanting to restrit my freedom to tell the world our perfect story. You made it possible for me to be me, for my life to be filled with joy, for me to truly love, and you know I am yours forever. I accept you unconditionally, I celebrate your happiness just as you do mine, and I would change absolutely nothing about you or us. Thank you for joining me in this unbelievable bliss that is our relationship.

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Posted by Abscondo

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There is no magic in spiritual words or rituals; rather, all power is in living the teaching

When the ego attempts to embrace religion or spirituality, it does so without examining itself. The unobserved mind picks and chooses bits and pieces of the belief system that it finds compatible with its particular likes and dislikes, then strengthens its false identity by judging and condemning others who believe or live differently.

The particular spiritual teaching is not necessarily taken as wisdom to be lived by; rather, as a strange magic. The rituals, the words, the crystals—whatever it may be—are believed to summon mysterious, divine powers who will solve our problems and deliver us to heaven without us having to think or live differently. So much is asked in prayer, yet all the answers (which are already contained within all spiritually alive texts) are consistently misinterpreted or ignored.

To awaken is to lose faith in magic and become willing to live in truth. The ego will not allow your salvation because, to do so would be to look at itself honestly. That would be its death and no entity would choose its own demise. But, to be saved, the ego must be left to die.

The true power of any spiritual faith only flows into your life when you live according to God’s reality, universal law, when you align with nature itself. The end of suffering, the New Earth, and eternal life is only possible for those willing to turn away from the devil—which is only another word for ego.

Look not at the words and rituals, but to what they teach…to where they point. Live it literally. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

574

Posted by Abscondo

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How the 2020's are the decade that healed the world

We all felt it, as 2019 passed into the rear view and we were thrusted into the 2020’s, that the world was going to change. My, how it has, and how beautiful it is to be alive now!

I said at the beginning of this crisis in this and several other posts and podcasts, that this is the beginning of the collapse of ego. With one news cycle of fear and panic right at the start of the decade, the ego’s insanity and dysfunction has been exposed. Now there is no going back, and the egoic mind can no longer function in a way that would allow anyone in its grip to survive.

The pleasures of ego are gone for good—the symbols of consumerism, luxury travel, crazy parties, pointless flights around the world, the growing economies that supported purchases of extravagant cars and real estate. Now the ego offers nothing anyone would want. Utterly abandoning all appearance of sanity for total fear, how the ego suffocates us by forcing face masks in the mall, embracing social distancing—those who follow this way of thinking may never experience a passionate kiss or have great sex again. This version of salvation is only a vision of death.

What once made the ego desirable was its pride, and the possibility of pride is fading fast. While once cool, those in the grip of ego now present a laughable image—fearful, confused, silent, unfree, fading into obscurity. This will continue, and not because anyone imposed this destiny upon anyone; rather, because the ego did it to itself. Game over.

Those who are in their 30’s or 40’s and still single, waiting, unable to function in a relationship—now will not have children because they are even more afraid of new people, even more isolated, judgmental, unable to enjoy the present moment, utterly paralyzed. Thankfully, they will not pass on these values of death to any children, and so the earth may be slowly rescued. The false images of oh-so-hot singles on Instagram are not quite as common, the activity on Tinder declining, and the old, dysfunctional ways of serial monogamy is clearly exhausting and pointless. Now is the time for true, actual love—something the ego knows nothing of and cannot do.

Those in the grip of ego who already have children are no longer presenting much of an example to those children for them to aspire to. They are no longer able to project the false images of the perfect family, no longer able to convince their children that school matters (when it so easily closes) and a good job is salvation (when their parents are losing those jobs). This style of parenting no longer offers much. Children are watching and are learning well. They will not cling to the same illusions, will not repeat the same mistakes, and so the earth shall heal.

Thus, the 2020’s is the decade in which everything changes. What survives is truth, authenticity, humility—the values of love. What we will enjoy is what the spiritually awakened have been able to enjoy throughout this so-called crisis—the present moment, perfect relationships, perfect health, time in nature, cooking, listening to music, reading, sex, wine, romance, creating, serving others, being.

The teachings of all the great spiritual traditions are proving to be exactly true. What is real is that which has always been real—that which has been covered up by all the endless distractions and illusions—the spectacle of the media, sports, consumerism, ridiculous makeup, luxury travel, designer clothes, obscenely large houses and cars, and false identities attached to our work. This illusion is being exposed.

The meek shall inherit the earth—those who create value, serve others, love themselves and others openly, accept others fully, and let go of all fear, all illusion, all that which is temporary, meaningless, nasty and false. What a beautiful time to be alive! We continue tomorrow and each day after that.  

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About the new song "Us (Friendship)" from the Life Light album

The final track on the Life Light album is a playful, yet meaningful song about the difficulty in forming friendships and relationships with people who are closed. The ego is suspicious at best and vicious at worst, which makes any close connection with someone who lives in the egoic state (the vast majority of people today) impossible.

Throughout my adult life, I've always felt too isolated and lonely. Even while in a close relationship or marriage, union with one person never felt like enough. I never have understood how people can choose to live so cut-off, trapped either alone or in one jealous relationship. Furthermore, rather than finding reasons to connect and celebrate life, people constantly judge and focus on differences. Yet it is precisely in those differences that relationships have value, flavor, color.

On the level of the soul, we are all the same. All sharing the same core needs, we are one and we crave closeness. This is what makes us truly happy...so much so that we forget the problems of the world. Yet the mind is so utterly confused about love that it does everything possible to block union by finding problems, differences, projecting and attacking. Back when I had an ego, I was able to form drama-based relationships with other egos (with brief moments of true love or friendship). But now, after my awakening, it is more difficult. Ego and spirit cannot communicate at all. Nothing I am, do, or say feeds the ego in the other, and so I have become useless to egos.

I remain entirely open, loving everyone and everything, without limits or restrictions. I am grateful for my one holy relationship and my partner and I remain open to others who are also open. "Us (Friendship)" is a fun song that might even make you smile. Listen here.

"Us (Friendship)" by Abscondo

The album will be available everywhere in the coming days or weeks, but in the meantime you can listen to our download the full album on Bandcamp.

Life light Cover

Lyrics:
Why is friendship not much fun anymore?
Why’s it so hard to get people to explore?
What is it they’d rather do
Than spend some time with you?

I admit sometimes I push too hard
I say things that sometimes go too far
But there’s nothing I would rather do
Then spend my time with you.

Why’s it so hard to get people to agree
To open up and be themselves with me?
Doesn’t it frustrate you too
How they hide themselves from you?

I admit sometimes I say too much
I say things that maybe shake you up
But there’s nothing I’d rather do
Then say these things to you

You know I like you
I’d like to show you
And when I know you
Then you will know you too

I know this scares you
And you will run away
I will let you go
There’s nothing I can say
What’s real between us cannot be lost

 

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All our prayers have already been answered

If, when confronted with severe illness or a life crisis, you ask me for prayers, my response is this: all our prayers have already been answered.

Did Jesus not already give us the answers to all our prayers when he spoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, unconditional love, forgiveness, and eternal life? By merely applying exactly what he taught, God ensures lasting joy, perfect health, and total safety in this life and into eternity.

Did Lao Tzu not provide the answers to all our prayers in the Tao Te Ching? To practice Taoism is to arrive at the same destination by ending the problems of the mind. The same can be said about the teachings of The Buddha and so many other ancient sources of eternal wisdom. They have provided the correct answers to all our prayers.

But religious texts like the Bible can be confusing, and any organized religion is a confused institution bound to muddy the original message. Thankfully, the same eternal truths can also be learned outside organized religions. Become a student of A Course in Miracles, practice the teachings literally, and you will find perfect health and the end to all your problems. Study Eckhart Tolle, practice what he teaches, and you will also reach the awakened state of consciousness, where problems do not exist.

Countless human beings (myself included) have become awakened / saved / enlightened / conscious / found God. We have found the answers to all prayer and, by putting eternal truth and wisdom into practice, we have allowed God to end our problems. Ask any of us and, I assure you, we want nothing more than to help show you the way.

So if it seems that your prayers have not been answered, it is only because you have been rejecting the answers or have been unwilling to apply them. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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Posted by Abscondo

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See the present moment with love

Love cannot exist anywhere in my life if I do not love the present moment—this ongoing, uninterrupted, eternal holy instant.

If I am here but want to be there, or if I am longing for the past or hoping for the future, I am withdrawing my attention from the field where all of life exists—the only place it ever has been or ever will be.

Right now, so many people are suffering because of a thought system that is having them resist or reject life now. Because the current state of the world is deemed less than ideal, they are withdrawing into the dream of a better future. I assure you it does not exist.

What does exist is now. How can you love yourself now, then extend that love to everything and everyone in your field of awareness? Do you not feel yourself awakening? Stay there. Keep going. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.

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Posted by Abscondo

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About the song "With (Scent of Youth)" by Abscondo

This is one of two songs on the Life Light album that I wrote long ago. This is the oldest, having been written probably around 2007 or 2008 to celebrate the ending of a beautiful, perfect relationship that remains eternal even if it was never meant as a "real world" partnership. 

Each relationship in our lives has its own special color, flavor and texture. Each is sacred, none are to be compared with others, and if it can be called a relationship at all then it contains everything of value in this life: beauty, pleasure, memories, lessons, friendship, union, love.

I honor all relationships as sacred, none have much to do with the others. If we are to live properly, in the light of truth, we must find the courage to always remain honest and open. This was a lesson that I took a long time learning but now live.

"With (Scent of Youth)" by Abscondo

Life light Cover

Lyrics:
In the days with you
In the words we said and the songs we knew
In our solitude
How you're just like me when you're just like you
We'd always quiet all the pain
When constant change was all we'd known
And when you're walking in the rain you sing my song
Cuz it meant so much to you
And though we're through, we're still whole
You forever are the scent of youth, you'll stay that way
A breath of you seeps right into what's natural
In the ways we grew
In the nights of red, in the days of blue
In our eyes we knew
You could see through me when I saw through you

We never needed to explain
To entertain we lost control
You learned to dance around the pain I still sing this song
Oh it meant so much to you
And though we're through, we're still whole
You forever are the scent of youth, you'll stay that way
A breath of you seeps right into what's natural

 

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