When two people decide to get married or live together, a common problem often emerges. By assigning the title of partner, wife, or husband to a person—we begin to see our beloved not as the person; rather, as the title or role.
Looking at each other from the perspective of a role, peace and harmony in the relationship now depends upon how well the role is played. This is not love and it is also no fun. Now you both fake a role at work, then come home and fake another one. Life has now become a chore.
Human beings have needs beyond our roles. It is for this reason that we lie and deceive—which is only a desperate attempt to create a little space to be real. But dishonesty never brings lasting happiness nor enjoyment of life.
When two people come together to form a family and run a household together, it is best to ignore the roles completely—just agree to love and accept each other unconditionally. Why agree to a lifetime with a person who won't agree to this?
The problem with roles also arises in parenting. When our children are young, we love them unconditionally and accept them for who they are. Then, when they go to school, many parents become primarily concerned with school performance and other forms of achievement. This is how parents break the relationship with their kids—turning on them by teaching that doing and achieving is all that matters rather than love.
Taking the side of the external world over a loved one breaks the trust and destroys the relationship. The world will beat up on your loved ones enough, you don’t need to join in.
We fail our kids, our beloved, and everyone in our lives when we care more about the role than the person. This is conditional love, which of course isn’t love at all. Offer unconditional love to enjoy life right now and always.