Separation is the cause of relationship misery; never the solution.
If love hurts, if heartbreak is real, it is only because of our belief in separation. “Special relationships” are meant to complete us and to give our lives meaning. Salvation, we are told, is found by possessing the perfect partner, maybe getting married, and living happily ever-after. It never works as intended.
The price for a normal relationship is the complete sacrifice of all other past, present and future relationships. Through the violent emotion of jealousy, we demand that our partners cut all ties. End communication with him, stop thinking about her. Move on. Get past your feelings, I don’t want to hear about it, am I not enough?
Eventually we feel lonely, cut-off. Now we blame the partner, we argue, we abuse. If other options are available, now comes the break-up. The run toward what feels like freedom with someone else. Now the person who once sacrificed everything for you is left with nothing—alone and lost. Nobody learns, the cycle repeats, heartbreak is everywhere.
The situation is particularly brutal when children are involved. The fight for control, custody, all the sacrifice of “starting over” by cutting ties with the past. And yet, all parties are left with the real memories, the feelings, the love, the longing, the deep hole in the soul.
You spent your lives together. You were there for each other. Now something goes wrong and you’re supposed to throw it all away? No. If something is real between you and another person, it cannot be ended. Attempts to do so only cause more suffering. This leaves us sick on the level of the soul.
Heartbreak ends when we stop seeking happiness through any form of separation. Do not demand it, do not accept it. We are all one. The soul craves union, inclusion, full acceptance and honesty. This is how we must begin and maintain all relationships with everyone.
We can enjoy life now and always by allowing our partners to feel what they do feel, to have in their lives who they do. Everything can just easily fit where it naturally fits.