Don’t ask for honesty, offer acceptance.
Fear arises from lack of love. The only remedy for lack of love is perfect love. (A Course in Miracles)

Don’t ask for acceptance, offer honesty.

If you want to be accepted for who you are, be honest about your deepest truths. If you are afraid to reveal who you are, how is anyone supposed to understand and accept you? 

A fundamental human need is to be understood, accepted, and loved for who you are. Yet we hide who we are. We are less than honest because we are afraid. We are afraid to be judged, blamed, shamed, and punished. Most of all, we are afraid to lose someone and the security that goes with it.

A relationship on the level of the soul requires both unconditional acceptance and unconditional honesty. If either of you hold back here, the circle of closeness is broken. You feel lonely and distant even when you are together. You value the external form of “being together”, but inside you feel trapped, alone, hollow, screaming for something more real. You are holding back to preserve the relationship, but in doing so you are choking it. Eventually you will miss the feeling of a true connection on the level of mind, body and spirit. Now conditions are ripe for cheating or break-up.

In truth, honesty and acceptance are the same thing. Giving honesty without receiving acceptance is being attacked. Offering acceptance without being honest in return is a recipe for your own suffering.

Start by being honest with yourself about who you are, how you feel, what excites you, and what you were brought into this world to do. Self-honesty requires self-acceptance. Now, extend this level of honesty and acceptance to the other. This is love, this is union—relationship bliss. You no longer need do anything to hold onto the relationship because there is no way either of you are going anywhere. It’s too good.

Be fully honest. Accept fully. Yes, you risk losing someone. But don’t give up, give it time, love the person unconditionally forever. Even if the relationship changes form, what is at stake is only the superficial aspects that have caused suffering.

Choose to be loving, completely honest, and accepting of both the other and the situation that arises. This begins a correction period requiring faith. Though challenging, it is a necessary step to ultimately find love, inner peace, freedom and happiness. You are called to be who you are and there is nothing to fear. Go for it. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


Image by Simon Lesley

Image by Simon Lesley