Do not try to look beyond yourself for truth. Truth is in you. (A Course in Miracles)
Delay of joy is needless

If you ask for something you claim to want, yet you are afraid of it, then you do not want it and will not receive it.

You may hope and pray for something you claim to want more than anything, but if you are afraid, then opportunities will be missed and the answers to your prayers ignored.

Nothing real can get through to a mind that is blocking reality with the impenetrable thickness of constant thinking.

If you truly want something, then ask for it in a state of complete openness and complete acceptance of what comes. Answers have already come and will come again. But in the state of panic, fear and resistance, nothing you claim to want can possibly reach you.

The ego thinks it knows what it wants and how to get it. In truth, the ego does not know what it wants and only understands how to make more suffering and misery.

There is an answer to your prayers and the answer is yes. You need only undo your identification with your constant stream of thoughts. Meditate every day. 

If you still think your thoughts are to be taken seriously, that there is still something valuable to be found in ego, then nothing you claim to want is possible.  

We continue tomorrow and each day after that.