There is an impulse to attack when we feel wronged, or when we perceive someone’s behavior as unacceptable. Other times, we attack out of fear and desperation. We attack when our needs aren’t being met. The problem is that attack never works.
All attack flows from emotions that are caused by a lack of acceptance. Resistance of what is causes suffering within, which in turn causes a deep desire to end that suffering. When the situation gets bad enough, we resort to attack as though there are no other options.
Attack takes many forms. There are the more obvious kinds: punishing, yelling, physical abuse, or threats. But attack also includes the more passive-aggressive shutting so-called toxic people out of our lives, blaming, shaming, judging, and condemning.
Attack is justified as the way to make someone wrong. You feel it’s the only way to be heard. You feel desperate. You feel betrayed, violated, you want to teach a lesson.
In truth, whatever is going on probably isn’t about you at all. At least that’s not how the other party sees it. Other people are just trying to get their needs met. If yours aren’t being met, then skip the attack and have THAT conversation.
I’m not saying that we should passively accept everything that happens. Sometimes your needs aren’t being met, and it is okay to say so. But say so lovingly. Find a way so that everybody can get their needs met. Then there will be no conflict, there will be joy and greater abundance.
Demonstrate that you love others enough that you want their needs to be met. They will do the same in return. It’s called natural giving, which flows from that thing every human is made of: love. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.