The right person for you is the one who you do not want to change and who does not want to change you.

If you have a strong need to change someone, it can only be that you don’t fit. Rather than trying to make a person fit who doesn’t, wouldn’t it be better to be with someone who does?

All relationship problems are caused by one person trying to change the other. From this flows the ugliness of judgment, argument and debate, withholding love or even violence. Push hard enough for change and your partner will become afraid of you, will lie, and even begin seeking more perfect love in the arms of another.

If you can’t accept someone unconditionally, then set that person free to find someone who does. You might love each other, but if you are trying to change or control one another then you are only causing harm and you should not be together exclusively.

When two people fit, they can fully be who they are and can share everything without any negative reactions or problems. No matter how good your intentions or how hard you try other ways and strategies, there is only one simple path toward lasting happiness in a relationship.

Start by agreeing on unconditional acceptance, freedom, and total honesty that goes both ways. Now, after practicing this for some time, if you are both being yourselves and there is no desire to change one another, then you belong together and you will be happy.

It is important that you now set no rules and simply continue forever in this way. You will experience deep fulfillment and a passion that will never fade. A romantic relationship can be a perfect friendship that is also a holy relationship. It takes time to find the right person, but it isn’t that complicated. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


Transformation is not about finding answers to your questions. It is about finding a new relationship with thoughts. (Eckhart Tolle)

Thoughts will arise, as they continuously do. That’s fine, but now they no longer control you.

What is it about this thought that is more important than this moment? Nothing.

So why chase a thought? Why let it affect our emotions? Why let it divert our attention from…from what?

Where might our attention be if not focused on our constant stream of thoughts? Our attention–our conscious presence–can instead be directed toward that which is. How does the inner body feel? How do you feel? What do you hear? What do you see? How are the colors and textures? How does the movement flow? Notice the stillness and harmony behind it all.

Don’t name any of it or try to hold onto it. Just allow it to be. Let go of what changes as it changes. Recognize how it is always now and always has been now. Thought becomes secondary.

If you are with a person, perhaps talking, be present and focus on the person without any interpretation. Allow the person space to be. Accept what is happening, what is being said, what the person is feeling, and what she wants. Together, there is no past or future; only your beautiful choice to be together now.

Answers to questions are unimportant. Each answer only brings a new question, and so on. Mental positions only shift your focus away from life itself. Be here now and allow the mind to respond fully to the fullness of reality.

The beautiful feeling of now is the feeling of love. Love is the only reality-based thought system. In the service of perfect love, the mind becomes a gentle guide rather than a source of fear and its range of negative emotions.

How gently magnificent is this awakening, this end of suffering, this knowledge of who you are, this full embrace of perfect love, this coming alive to all the universe. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


Non-forgiveness is a weapon used by manipulators to dominate the good people trying to please them.

People who have not yet transcended ego find it very difficult to forgive. Even after a heartfelt apology, the response is often, “I’m working on forgiving you” or worse yet “you still haven’t apologized properly for what you’ve done.” Other times, they simply consider a person unforgivable. What exactly does this person mean by “forgiveness”?

The unobserved, egoic mind uses forgiveness as a means for domination and control. What this person wants in an apology is that the “guilty party” give up all personal freedom and concede everything. Anything short of this is considered an unacceptable and inappropriate apology.

To the ego, everything anyone does is only reduced to a question of “what about me?” or “what do I get?”. The ego has no ability to empathize with, respect or accept someone else’s life journey. Instead, everything must be controlled and manipulated.

Of course, it is impossible for anyone to completely concede control over their life to such a confused person. What ends up happening instead is a fearful concession, then more deception.

But a person who has awakened to the dimension beyond the ego forgives instantly. We see no sin; rather, only error to be corrected in love. We offer unconditional acceptance and respond in love. We are also free to love and will not concede to being controlled or dominated by other people’s egos.

This is one of the reasons why it is so impossible for a spiritually awakened person to coexist alongside a person who has not yet awakened. If you refuse to be completely controlled by an ego, you will be considered unforgivable and immediately discarded. Sadly, you never meant any harm. You only wanted your freedom to be love and to give love on your terms.

We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


The human mind is sick because it has a Parasite that steals its energy and robs it of joy. The Parasite is all those beliefs that make you suffer. (Don Miguel Ruiz)

Humans have become very good at the game of spreading our emotional poison. Each time our perfect love and beautiful innocence is attacked, we feel a deep sense of injustice, hurt and grief. We are so wronged so often that we carry very deep wounds.

The weight of this poison becomes so unbearable that we seek ways to release it. We release it on the people who we have some form of power over; our subordinates or people who are less privileged in society (racism) – even our romantic partners and children who depend upon us for love and support. In this way, we teach fear and suffering – creating poison in them that is spread further in the same way.

This tragic game is taught to young children by their parents, by schools, by friends, by work and by all of society. We become very bitter, damaged – afraid to trust and open our hearts to one another because we are so afraid of their poison. It isn’t our fault. This game has been going on for a few thousand years; long before we were born.

I don’t like this game and I don’t play it. When someone tries to give me their poison, I recognize that he or she is suffering. There is an uncontrollable need within them to get rid of their poison, and only my love can release it. How do I know this is true? By looking within myself.

We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


If you look at any religious definition of hell, it is the same as human society. (Don Miguel Ruiz)

“Hell is a place of suffering, a place of fear, a place of war and violence, a place of judgment and no justice, a place of punishment that never ends. There are humans versus humans in a jungle of predators; humans full of judgment, full of blame, full of guilt, full of emotional poison – envy, anger, hate, sadness, suffering. We create all these little demons in our mind because we have learned to dream hell in our own life.” -Don Miguel Ruiz

For the past few thousand years, human beings have been lost in the dream of hell. We’ve even learned to call it normal and to believe that there is no other alternative.

We accept prison-like conditions in our schools and slave-like conditions at work. We enter relationships and marriages rooted in principles of abuse. We consider it all normal and inevitable. By surrendering to this hell, we even call ourselves “practical” and “grown-up”. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have been fools and it is time that we exercise our power to awaken from this terrible dream.

It is we who have the power to create the dream of our own lives! There is an alternative to this hell – a heaven which is available now to everyone. This heaven is only accessible to those who would choose freedom over slavery, love over abuse, acceptance over fear, openness over lies, acceptance over judgment, peace over attack, and healing over violence.

Choose a different thought system and experience life as heaven, not hell. Today’s is a short lesson that only scratches the surface. These previous 417 daily posts take you further, and the future teachings deeper still. There are countless books about love and spirituality. There are teachers of God. There are practices to quiet the mind. Life changes when we begin to take these practices as seriously as we have been taking the lessons which taught us this dream of hell. What dream will it be?

We continue tomorrow and each day after that.  


You are not guilty for your partner's lack of love

When the person you love falls out of love with you, the relationship devolves into a violent war of blaming and finding fault. He isn’t feeling love, so believes it must be something you did or didn’t do. She is no longer interested in intimacy, so she tells you to try harder, to help out more, to apologize better, to change your tone, to make big promises—to change. You both so desperately want the relationship to work that you’ll try anything.

This is the mind’s solution to lack of love in a relationship, and it doesn’t work. If your partner doesn’t feel the love for you, it is not your fault. Love flows from the inner dimension and your partner is trying to get it from the realm of form. You can do everything she says she wants, but her feelings toward you will not change even as her demands become more absurd. Love from the other person is not an outcome of your doing. You are not guilty and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Your partner just doesn’t know what love is.

All love is self-love. As the ancient Greeks said, “Know thyself.” The self is not the voice in the head. It is not your life story, nor your past, nor future. To know thyself is to awaken to the perfect love within. It is to know that love is not something you can get from anyone; rather, it is the energy of what you are. Love is your identity. When you know this, all relationships are perfect—even the one with yourself.

Self-love can never be found in the presence of shame or guilt. If you believe you are guilty, you have not found out what love is. Your job never was to make your partner fall in love with you. Your only responsibility is to connect with the natural flow of love within you and then let your loving presence extend to all the world. This cannot happen if you believe the stories of blame that your partner has been telling you.

If you are in relationship despair, this is the most wonderful opportunity in your life because it is your time to awaken. Forgive yourself. Those violent stories your partner tells about you are not true. You are not guilty. She just doesn’t know what love is. It is her responsibility to find out—just as it is yours.

Two people connected on the level of self-love is perfect union. This love knows no rules, expectations, or demands—only an eternal bliss that cannot be broken. Do not allow anyone to hold you back from experiencing this. You have every right to be what you are in perfect freedom. You are not guilty, you are wholly lovable and wholly loving. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


We expect to enjoy life after our problems are solved, but it’s the other way around. Problems are solved by first enjoying life.

We seek happiness and want to have fun. It’s just that there are all these things we need to get out of the way first. This is how the pursuit of happiness works—always dependent upon external situations and, therefore, always elusive and unstable.

There is something far superior to happiness. We are only using words here and no word choice is perfect, but here are a few that come close: enlightenment, inner peace, conscious presence, fulfillment, or the peace of God. This state of being—the true enjoyment of life—has only been experienced by relatively few people (though that number is growing).

This state of nirvana cannot be explained or understood by the mind because it is only accessible when we escape the limitations of the mind. Also, a true, daily spiritual practice is required to counter-act the conditioning of the modern world. A spiritual practice is, therefore, the first step and the top priority—not solving problems.

Through the power of this good which has no opposite, problems are instantly solved because we recognize that there are none. Here there is no judgment of good or bad, just acceptance of what is. Through present moment awareness and non-resistance, things are just allowed to happen while no negative emotions are generated in response. You are beyond fear and effortlessly guided by the perfect thought system of perfect love.

While in this state of inner peace, problems seem to yield to a higher reality. Even when challenges do arise in life—as they always will—they are insignificant and rather easily overcome. A challenge is seen only as a mechanism for growth—bringing new possibilities and opportunities.

Just as there will always be challenges, there will also always be moments when you are happy and have fun. Spiritually awake, you enjoy fun and happiness even more fully while it lasts and you easily let it go when it leaves.

None of this can be proven, shown, or demonstrated to anyone who has not experienced it. But it is a state accessible to everyone. This is who we are in the absence of ego. So we continue this spiritual practice tomorrow and each day after that.


Only by becoming vulnerable can you discover your true invulnerability. (Eckhart Tolle)

The ego believes that becoming vulnerable makes you weak. There is this fear that other people will take advantage of you or will fail to take you seriously. To become somebody special or important, the ego would have you believe, you need to be assertive. You must never let your guard down. Trust no one. Attack first before you are attacked. But here there is no strength, only a slippery slope of weakness, depression and hopeless isolation.

We avoid becoming vulnerable because we feel that, if people saw us for who we truly are, they wouldn’t see much to like. Your attitude toward intimacy or vulnerability is, therefore, only a reflection of how you see yourself. When we are in a deeply negative state, we avoid vulnerability to hide this from others. While we continue to look to relationships to save us, it is impossible for any human connection to even become a relationship at all if we are unwilling to become vulnerable and open.

Strength starts with vulnerability. When we are deeply honest, true communication begins. This is how strong, trusting unions are made and harmonious relationships are built. Through vulnerability, love is felt and we are lifted to that joyful, blissful place we seek.

If anyone in your life abandons you because you show who you are, then you can be grateful because the people who stay will fit perfectly. Now your relationships are grounded in truth, and truth is strength.

Becoming vulnerable is just non-resistance to what is. We are all vulnerable in this life—facing the same challenges, the same fragile balance of things, the same impending death of the physical body. But, when we practice non-resistance to all that is, when we let ourselves be as we are, we find that everything falls into place effortlessly and there was never a reason to fear. This is true invulnerability, which requires faith that is beyond the ego.

We continue tomorrow and each day after that.


When identification with mental positions is out of the way, true communication begins. (Eckhart Tolle)

There’s nothing wrong with mental positions. We spend our lives observing, studying, and perceiving the world. Naturally, the mind draws conclusions and has preferences. That’s just what the mind does. The problems arise when we try to form an identify for ourselves based upon those mental positions.

When the mind forms a position, it tries to convince you that you are that position and you are right. You then begin to feel superior to others who do not agree. Now there can be no true communication because, rather than listening and connecting on the level where all humans are the same, you focus almost exclusively on the differences and on defending your position. Someone challenges your position and you feel personally attacked. This is the ego.

Normal conversations in this world are merely an attempt to sort out mental positions and, ideally, to persuade the other person to swap their positions in favor of yours. This almost never happens. Instead, there is only ongoing debate that ends in frustration, rudeness, anger and sometimes even violence.

If you wish to remain free from ego, never defend a position. It’s enough to state your mental position when asked and, more importantly, to calmly listen to those of others. This is how you turn relationships into a spiritual practice. Identified with consciousness, you can calmly and unemotionally observe your mind. When the mental positions of others no longer feed negative emotions, you know you are free from ego. Now you give others space to do the same. 

True communication is all a question of identity. You are love and love is not a mental position. You are connected to others on the level of the soul, spirit, consciousness—where we are all the same and where we are one. True communication flows only from this dimension. We continue tomorrow and each day after that.