If your relationship has frequent ups and downs, it is likely that you and your partner are suffering from dependency. True love is free from attack or argument and absent of blame, judgment, and guilt. Love does not struggle and knows no right or wrong.
All throughout life, the ego attempts to make itself real within us by clinging to external sense of identity. The ego’s urge is to finally be happy and complete through the identification with status, accomplishments, or possessions. It wants to be respected, listened to, and cared about. This never quite works. There is a hole in your soul, which you believe can be filled by finding your soul mate.
Then you meet someone and fall in love. Now there is a new center to your universe. For a time, you think you’ve found it – the key to permanent happiness. The problem is that your sense of identity is still external; dependent upon another person. To make it real, you need that person to behave according to your rules. You also need to project an image out to the world as the perfect couple or family. This never quite works either.
In private, you frequently fight as though you are the worst of enemies. You make up, feel better, forgive a bit, then attempt to move on. But it keeps happening again and again. The world sees a perfect couple, but the hole inside remains.
There is no peace or happiness to be found in external form of any kind. Love, peace, and joy are only to be found within. Become dependent upon form and you will continue to suffer. It may seem to work for a while, but it cannot last.
True love can exist in a romantic relationship, but it as rare as two enlightened people. The good news is that there are more of us every day. So we continue tomorrow and each day after that.